Hey, Pamela, sorry your day got off to a bad start. It's difficult when our DHs aren't on the same page with us.
I think you have a good plan. This ARD should focus on moving forward, on getting your son into the new program, and airing of grievances. Then you could later make your complaint to the TEA.
I hear you that you don't like your son having a shadow, but this probably wasn't done in "retaliation" to your husband's comments last mtg.A shadow is an expense that many parents have to fight for to get for their kids.
Good luck today! I hope your son is moved to the new class soon!