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It was UGLY...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 503681" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We went through similar crud with difficult child 1 in mainstream. We tried everything. I was a novice at the time, I didn't know what my rights were. But I did have support from the autism association here who came in (at my expense) to do an inservice for all difficult child 1's teachers to explain to them how his Asperger's diagnosis impacted their work with him. Of course the inservice was held in the lunch break and attendance was optional, we were mostly only speaking to the converted. But two teachers who were there were very antagonistic and frankly, I found their presence useful because they saidf stuff others must have been thinking, and by getting it out into the open, gave us a chance to respond.</p><p>One teacher, the acting principal (she was the deputy) said, "Why are we putting these accommodations in place? He will soon finish school and have to cope in the real world. He won't cope if we don't expect him to be more organised."</p><p>The autism outreach worker responded with, "We know he won't cope. He is going to need supports in place beyond school, for some years. We are on top of that. What we are talking about now is the support he needs here and now."</p><p></p><p>Next came the biggie, the one issue we keep getting from teachers, from family, from friends.</p><p>"He should be able to cope, AT HIS AGE."</p><p></p><p>We're getting this now from people (a few people, those I haven't had the chance to slap down, or those I can't slap down like mother in law and sis-in-law). "difficult child 3 is now 18, legally he's an adult. You have to cut the apron strings sometime."</p><p></p><p>And that is the crux of it. Even when people seem to understand, they fall back onto habits.</p><p></p><p>As for your son's school - they are thinking in terms of his age and applying to him the same standards and behaviour requirements they apply to other students. It is one of the hardest habits (in educators) to break, we found.</p><p></p><p>We went the Distance Education route. We looked for alternative education pathways. I can't advise you on what is available, what alernatives you have, but I can tell you this - if you keep bashing your head against the brick wall of the school's stupidiy and obstinacy, you will get bruised. Your son is likely to get a criminal record simply because that principal WILL call the cops. You could pre-empt this by talking to the cops yourself about your concerns, let them get to know your son and his problems, and your fears that if they get called in, it could rapidly escalate a kid who is mentally five years old due to acquired brain injury.</p><p></p><p>Your son is 15, from your profile. Other groups (not just schools) will also be intolerant of him talking about guns and knives. I do get it that the school made this a lot worse, but the thing is, that conversation happened. It can happen again. It could happen with a stranger he talks to while in the mall. difficult child 3 would sit on the bench outside the supermarket waiting for me, and tell our entire family history (from his point of view) to total strangers. You need to put some alternative plans on the table NOW. Continuing to try to make it work at this school will not work, and will only stress you and damage your son. </p><p></p><p>In other words, it is time to walk away.</p><p></p><p>BUT - you had a legal representative there. You have detailed notes of the meeting. Remove your son, home-bound for now, URGENTLY, because their attitude and handling of him is directly in conflict with medical recommendations (despite you regularly keeping the school in the loop - they're choosing to ignore medical advice) and THEN go over their heads so far, that the principal gets athlete's scalp. Kick some righteous donkey (no offence intended to Star). But get your son out of the firing line first. His needs do not include that school. Probably not ANY mainstream school. </p><p></p><p>Last message from me on this - don't get suckered in to the myth, "He needs to be in mainstream in order to learn appropriate social interaction." It's BS, pure and simple. Autistics do not learn social skills just by being around other kids. In fact, a kid with problems often learns BAD social skills, because of how other kids treat them (such as teaching them bad words etc). difficult child 3 has done a lot better socially, since leaving mainstream. We had a lot of bad social habits to un-teach him. And both boys did a lot better academically, when we put them in Distance Ed.</p><p></p><p>There are other options, including adult education in a few years' time. Meanwhile he can always wipe down tables at McDonalds... we have disability employment agencies here, do you have them there? </p><p></p><p>Good luck on this. You need to back away with your child, put him somewhere safe, then go back in kicking hard.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 503681, member: 1991"] We went through similar crud with difficult child 1 in mainstream. We tried everything. I was a novice at the time, I didn't know what my rights were. But I did have support from the autism association here who came in (at my expense) to do an inservice for all difficult child 1's teachers to explain to them how his Asperger's diagnosis impacted their work with him. Of course the inservice was held in the lunch break and attendance was optional, we were mostly only speaking to the converted. But two teachers who were there were very antagonistic and frankly, I found their presence useful because they saidf stuff others must have been thinking, and by getting it out into the open, gave us a chance to respond. One teacher, the acting principal (she was the deputy) said, "Why are we putting these accommodations in place? He will soon finish school and have to cope in the real world. He won't cope if we don't expect him to be more organised." The autism outreach worker responded with, "We know he won't cope. He is going to need supports in place beyond school, for some years. We are on top of that. What we are talking about now is the support he needs here and now." Next came the biggie, the one issue we keep getting from teachers, from family, from friends. "He should be able to cope, AT HIS AGE." We're getting this now from people (a few people, those I haven't had the chance to slap down, or those I can't slap down like mother in law and sis-in-law). "difficult child 3 is now 18, legally he's an adult. You have to cut the apron strings sometime." And that is the crux of it. Even when people seem to understand, they fall back onto habits. As for your son's school - they are thinking in terms of his age and applying to him the same standards and behaviour requirements they apply to other students. It is one of the hardest habits (in educators) to break, we found. We went the Distance Education route. We looked for alternative education pathways. I can't advise you on what is available, what alernatives you have, but I can tell you this - if you keep bashing your head against the brick wall of the school's stupidiy and obstinacy, you will get bruised. Your son is likely to get a criminal record simply because that principal WILL call the cops. You could pre-empt this by talking to the cops yourself about your concerns, let them get to know your son and his problems, and your fears that if they get called in, it could rapidly escalate a kid who is mentally five years old due to acquired brain injury. Your son is 15, from your profile. Other groups (not just schools) will also be intolerant of him talking about guns and knives. I do get it that the school made this a lot worse, but the thing is, that conversation happened. It can happen again. It could happen with a stranger he talks to while in the mall. difficult child 3 would sit on the bench outside the supermarket waiting for me, and tell our entire family history (from his point of view) to total strangers. You need to put some alternative plans on the table NOW. Continuing to try to make it work at this school will not work, and will only stress you and damage your son. In other words, it is time to walk away. BUT - you had a legal representative there. You have detailed notes of the meeting. Remove your son, home-bound for now, URGENTLY, because their attitude and handling of him is directly in conflict with medical recommendations (despite you regularly keeping the school in the loop - they're choosing to ignore medical advice) and THEN go over their heads so far, that the principal gets athlete's scalp. Kick some righteous donkey (no offence intended to Star). But get your son out of the firing line first. His needs do not include that school. Probably not ANY mainstream school. Last message from me on this - don't get suckered in to the myth, "He needs to be in mainstream in order to learn appropriate social interaction." It's BS, pure and simple. Autistics do not learn social skills just by being around other kids. In fact, a kid with problems often learns BAD social skills, because of how other kids treat them (such as teaching them bad words etc). difficult child 3 has done a lot better socially, since leaving mainstream. We had a lot of bad social habits to un-teach him. And both boys did a lot better academically, when we put them in Distance Ed. There are other options, including adult education in a few years' time. Meanwhile he can always wipe down tables at McDonalds... we have disability employment agencies here, do you have them there? Good luck on this. You need to back away with your child, put him somewhere safe, then go back in kicking hard. Marg [/QUOTE]
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