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It was very peaceful while my son was in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 666545" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I have been there and I felt the same way.</p><p>It's so easy to slip into old habits and behavior. For both us and our Difficult Child.</p><p>You will set the pace and your son will catch on.</p><p>It just takes time and effort.</p><p></p><p>For me, when I finally got to the place I could say "NO", I found sticking to this response worked best, "I'm not able to help you this time" and when my son would ask why I would simply repeat my response. There were times he would get really ugly with me on the phone and I would tell him, "I'm hanging up now" and would.</p><p></p><p>By sticking to my guns and using the same response over and over my son learned that I was not going to give in.</p><p></p><p>This is not to say that I didn't have to occasional relapse.</p><p></p><p>I think too, that it depends on what and why they are asking.</p><p></p><p>A few years had gone by and my son had not asked me for anything, well directly anyway. He would call and play the "pity party" part very well, you know "I don't have any money and I'm starving. or Someone stole all my stuff and I don't know what to do" I always knew these were ploys in hopes that I would take pity on him.</p><p>Last year he sent me a message that he needed a favor. I was very hesitant in helping him and that was actually when and why I found this site. The favor he wanted was a copy of his birth cert. because he needed to get a new ID. In years past I have given him multiple copies and being the "responsible" person he is, he lost them, or they were stolen, blah, blah, blah.</p><p>I did not want to help him. I was so irritated that he could not manage to hold onto an important document.</p><p>My husband convinced me that we should do this for him so I did, but, I made it very, very clear to him that was the LAST time I would get a copy for him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is good. It gives you time to really consider if, when, and how much you will "help" him.</p><p></p><p>"I'll have to think about it" is also another good line to use when he asks for something.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 666545, member: 18516"] I have been there and I felt the same way. It's so easy to slip into old habits and behavior. For both us and our Difficult Child. You will set the pace and your son will catch on. It just takes time and effort. For me, when I finally got to the place I could say "NO", I found sticking to this response worked best, "I'm not able to help you this time" and when my son would ask why I would simply repeat my response. There were times he would get really ugly with me on the phone and I would tell him, "I'm hanging up now" and would. By sticking to my guns and using the same response over and over my son learned that I was not going to give in. This is not to say that I didn't have to occasional relapse. I think too, that it depends on what and why they are asking. A few years had gone by and my son had not asked me for anything, well directly anyway. He would call and play the "pity party" part very well, you know "I don't have any money and I'm starving. or Someone stole all my stuff and I don't know what to do" I always knew these were ploys in hopes that I would take pity on him. Last year he sent me a message that he needed a favor. I was very hesitant in helping him and that was actually when and why I found this site. The favor he wanted was a copy of his birth cert. because he needed to get a new ID. In years past I have given him multiple copies and being the "responsible" person he is, he lost them, or they were stolen, blah, blah, blah. I did not want to help him. I was so irritated that he could not manage to hold onto an important document. My husband convinced me that we should do this for him so I did, but, I made it very, very clear to him that was the LAST time I would get a copy for him. This is good. It gives you time to really consider if, when, and how much you will "help" him. "I'll have to think about it" is also another good line to use when he asks for something. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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It was very peaceful while my son was in jail
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