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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 759125" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>Thank you, I am doing well. I learned a long time ago, in part because of this wonderful forum, that I have zero control over what my son does or his outcomes. I have learned to stay out of his personal business unless he invites me in...which clearly he won't if he is relapsing. If I think about all the possible "what ifs" I will make myself crazy. So unless I hear otherwise, I will go on the theory that "no news is good news" even when my heart and gut tell me otherwise, and deal with outcomes when and if they happen. </p><p></p><p>A couple of years ago I came to the sad realization that my son will probably never grow up and be a fully functioning adult, and that he will go through recovery and relapse on an ongoing basis for the rest of his life. I don't have much to leave behind when my time comes, but I have a couple of investments that are tiny in the real world but a fortune in his. If I go first, my husband gets everything, but if I survive my husband, I have set up a trust through a family member where he won't get handed a lump sum of money or assets...because he would be broke within in a month or so, knowing him. He doesn't know about this arrangement, and I'm guessing he's going to be shocked, surprised, and outraged when he finds out. I did tell the family member that if my son gets belligerent or threatening over the setup that she has my blessing just to give him everything (whatever that might entail), wash her hands of him, and just let the chips fall where they may. She said she would never do that, but I know how my son can be and I wouldn't blame her one bit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 759125, member: 22877"] Thank you, I am doing well. I learned a long time ago, in part because of this wonderful forum, that I have zero control over what my son does or his outcomes. I have learned to stay out of his personal business unless he invites me in...which clearly he won't if he is relapsing. If I think about all the possible "what ifs" I will make myself crazy. So unless I hear otherwise, I will go on the theory that "no news is good news" even when my heart and gut tell me otherwise, and deal with outcomes when and if they happen. A couple of years ago I came to the sad realization that my son will probably never grow up and be a fully functioning adult, and that he will go through recovery and relapse on an ongoing basis for the rest of his life. I don't have much to leave behind when my time comes, but I have a couple of investments that are tiny in the real world but a fortune in his. If I go first, my husband gets everything, but if I survive my husband, I have set up a trust through a family member where he won't get handed a lump sum of money or assets...because he would be broke within in a month or so, knowing him. He doesn't know about this arrangement, and I'm guessing he's going to be shocked, surprised, and outraged when he finds out. I did tell the family member that if my son gets belligerent or threatening over the setup that she has my blessing just to give him everything (whatever that might entail), wash her hands of him, and just let the chips fall where they may. She said she would never do that, but I know how my son can be and I wouldn't blame her one bit. [/QUOTE]
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