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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 599181" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Gran, check in with the school about counseling for the kids, here they have something called SAY, Social Advocates for Youth and the school counseling office set up appointments for my GD with a therapist when she was in the sixth grade and it was FREE. She went weekly during school hours. Also check with the local Mental Health Office, they always offer sliding scale therapy. What most people don't realize is that most therapists offer sliding scale too, but don't offer the info until you ask. A thousand years ago, when I was in Connecticut, I was raising my difficult child and my younger sister and I wanted to be in therapy with this well known therapist who was also a pastor of a huge church. I got a free interview with him for the first appointment and after I told him my "story" he said, "well, what can you afford?" I actually jokingly said, $5 and he said, "sold!" He was one of the best therapists I ever had and I paid $5 an hour! I have actually worked that out well by simply saying what I need, and what I can afford, and there are many therapists who will offer their services for a reduced cost..........ASK! NAMI can probably help with that too. And, if you have insurance of any kind, they often pay for a certain amount of therapy time, like 20 sessions per year. Go online and look up therapists in your area and then call them and ask. Social Services may be able to help you with counseling for the kids too. In my town there are therapists who specialize in treating grandparents raising their grandkids and also working with the kids. Just keep digging, it is possible to find great therapy for a reduced price, but you do have to do some research and make the calls.</p><p></p><p>I agree that the kids need to process their feelings with a professional. They are still young and so talk therapy doesn't always work, they have art, sand tray, music, all kinds of ways to get the emotional baggage released before they get to be teenagers and they begin to act it out. It is in YOUR best interests to get them help before the teen years hit, that's when all the old angers and hurts surface and the choices of drugs, alcohol, sex and dangerous options start, so you want to get them help NOW. Especially when school begins and they will be subjected to the judgments of others about their Dad's behaviors, their peers opinions loom large when they are pre teens and teens. </p><p></p><p>Abandonment is a real issue, they WERE abandoned. How they process that is what will make the difference. Abandonment issues can cause the making of bad choices as young people because they will continue to choose partners and friends who will abandon them if that is not addressed, so healing that issue early is in my opinion, very important. </p><p></p><p>Keep the lines of communication open, give them a safe place to vent their feelings and receive your love no matter what. It sounds like you are doing all of that. I just found that all the professionals could give my granddaughter things I could not, they had the tools to bring out her feelings. Keeping them in sports is important too, the statistics on that is that kids who are in sports do much better in LIFE!</p><p></p><p>I am happy to offer any help I can since I am at the waning end of my parenting years and have gained some insight and some real tools which I am always willing to share, so ask me anything you want. I received a lot of help along the way and I believe in giving it back...........you have so much on your plate Gran, remember to take time for you................hugs..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 599181, member: 13542"] Gran, check in with the school about counseling for the kids, here they have something called SAY, Social Advocates for Youth and the school counseling office set up appointments for my GD with a therapist when she was in the sixth grade and it was FREE. She went weekly during school hours. Also check with the local Mental Health Office, they always offer sliding scale therapy. What most people don't realize is that most therapists offer sliding scale too, but don't offer the info until you ask. A thousand years ago, when I was in Connecticut, I was raising my difficult child and my younger sister and I wanted to be in therapy with this well known therapist who was also a pastor of a huge church. I got a free interview with him for the first appointment and after I told him my "story" he said, "well, what can you afford?" I actually jokingly said, $5 and he said, "sold!" He was one of the best therapists I ever had and I paid $5 an hour! I have actually worked that out well by simply saying what I need, and what I can afford, and there are many therapists who will offer their services for a reduced cost..........ASK! NAMI can probably help with that too. And, if you have insurance of any kind, they often pay for a certain amount of therapy time, like 20 sessions per year. Go online and look up therapists in your area and then call them and ask. Social Services may be able to help you with counseling for the kids too. In my town there are therapists who specialize in treating grandparents raising their grandkids and also working with the kids. Just keep digging, it is possible to find great therapy for a reduced price, but you do have to do some research and make the calls. I agree that the kids need to process their feelings with a professional. They are still young and so talk therapy doesn't always work, they have art, sand tray, music, all kinds of ways to get the emotional baggage released before they get to be teenagers and they begin to act it out. It is in YOUR best interests to get them help before the teen years hit, that's when all the old angers and hurts surface and the choices of drugs, alcohol, sex and dangerous options start, so you want to get them help NOW. Especially when school begins and they will be subjected to the judgments of others about their Dad's behaviors, their peers opinions loom large when they are pre teens and teens. Abandonment is a real issue, they WERE abandoned. How they process that is what will make the difference. Abandonment issues can cause the making of bad choices as young people because they will continue to choose partners and friends who will abandon them if that is not addressed, so healing that issue early is in my opinion, very important. Keep the lines of communication open, give them a safe place to vent their feelings and receive your love no matter what. It sounds like you are doing all of that. I just found that all the professionals could give my granddaughter things I could not, they had the tools to bring out her feelings. Keeping them in sports is important too, the statistics on that is that kids who are in sports do much better in LIFE! I am happy to offer any help I can since I am at the waning end of my parenting years and have gained some insight and some real tools which I am always willing to share, so ask me anything you want. I received a lot of help along the way and I believe in giving it back...........you have so much on your plate Gran, remember to take time for you................hugs.......... [/QUOTE]
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