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Parent Emeritus
It's Christmas Eve here and I'm crying...
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 754461" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Merry Christmas from the other side of the globe!</p><p>I've been where you are. Having my son at holiday gatherings I was always on edge. I love my son but I don't like him. Some people find that hard to imagine but it's my reality. If I were to meet my son on the street, he is not someone I would seek out to have a relationship with. His life philosophy is not something I agree with and at holiday gatherings he would go on and on about his beliefs and how ignorant and foolish people are that don't align with his way of thinking. I was always trying to keep the peace. </p><p>I have finally gotten to the point where my son is not welcome in my home. I am in no way suggesting you go to that extreme, just sharing what I've had to do for my own sanity and peace.</p><p>My only suggestion is to keep it in perspective. Just because your son is not happy does not mean you also have to be unhappy. Your son is who he is and it's not your job to try and "keep the peace". It's okay if his grandparents see the worst side of him. I actually think it's a very healthy thing to allow. You see, when our family and close friends are never subjected to how our difficult adult children can be, then they will never understand why "we have an issue with them". They can easily side with the child who can be charming and manipulative. Of course we don't want others to see this, we can feel that they will view this with an attitude of "they must be horrible parents for their child to be like this".</p><p>Let's say he erupts and causes a scene, what would you do? I think having a plan in place is our best defense against the "what if's". For me, I would tell my son he had to leave. It's your home, you get to set the rules and the boundaries. There is nothing wrong with telling him what your expectations are and if he can't abide by them then he doesn't have to come or will be asked to leave if his behavior is rude and unpleasant. </p><p>I'm glad you have a trip planned. Do not let your son ruin it for you. Do not give him that kind of power. You got this!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 754461, member: 18516"] Merry Christmas from the other side of the globe! I've been where you are. Having my son at holiday gatherings I was always on edge. I love my son but I don't like him. Some people find that hard to imagine but it's my reality. If I were to meet my son on the street, he is not someone I would seek out to have a relationship with. His life philosophy is not something I agree with and at holiday gatherings he would go on and on about his beliefs and how ignorant and foolish people are that don't align with his way of thinking. I was always trying to keep the peace. I have finally gotten to the point where my son is not welcome in my home. I am in no way suggesting you go to that extreme, just sharing what I've had to do for my own sanity and peace. My only suggestion is to keep it in perspective. Just because your son is not happy does not mean you also have to be unhappy. Your son is who he is and it's not your job to try and "keep the peace". It's okay if his grandparents see the worst side of him. I actually think it's a very healthy thing to allow. You see, when our family and close friends are never subjected to how our difficult adult children can be, then they will never understand why "we have an issue with them". They can easily side with the child who can be charming and manipulative. Of course we don't want others to see this, we can feel that they will view this with an attitude of "they must be horrible parents for their child to be like this". Let's say he erupts and causes a scene, what would you do? I think having a plan in place is our best defense against the "what if's". For me, I would tell my son he had to leave. It's your home, you get to set the rules and the boundaries. There is nothing wrong with telling him what your expectations are and if he can't abide by them then he doesn't have to come or will be asked to leave if his behavior is rude and unpleasant. I'm glad you have a trip planned. Do not let your son ruin it for you. Do not give him that kind of power. You got this!!! [/QUOTE]
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It's Christmas Eve here and I'm crying...
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