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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 718289" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Yes, I'm sure her intentions are good but they are hers not yours. Stand your ground.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Teary, we will never be able to convince others the impact and stress our difficult adult kids have had on us. Until they live in our shoes, they just will not understand. </p><p>I know it's easier said than done but please try to let it go. If your sister wants to spend time and money so be it. Again, stand your ground. Also, you do not owe your sister any explanation as to why you do not want to go or why you will not bail your son out. Keep it simple, tell her something like "I will always love my son but he created this mess and the consequences are his"</p><p>There is no amount of money that we can throw at our difficult adult kids problems that will help them. All it does is drain our bank accounts.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, it's is perfectly okay to not want to see him. Yes, it's perfectly okay to disengage and detach. Not only is it okay, it's a very healthy thing for you to do. If you are able to get away for a few days you should. Even if on a Saturday, get in your car and just take off for a drive. Go check out a museum or antique shop. Get some ice cream. Take some time to recharge yourself.</p><p></p><p>I'll just add that if I went to the state where my son is in prison (I have family there) I would not go see him. It's not that I don't love him but my going to see him would only send a false message to him that I'm somehow going to help him. Sometimes it's just better to keep our distance even from our own children.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 718289, member: 18516"] Yes, I'm sure her intentions are good but they are hers not yours. Stand your ground. Teary, we will never be able to convince others the impact and stress our difficult adult kids have had on us. Until they live in our shoes, they just will not understand. I know it's easier said than done but please try to let it go. If your sister wants to spend time and money so be it. Again, stand your ground. Also, you do not owe your sister any explanation as to why you do not want to go or why you will not bail your son out. Keep it simple, tell her something like "I will always love my son but he created this mess and the consequences are his" There is no amount of money that we can throw at our difficult adult kids problems that will help them. All it does is drain our bank accounts. Yes, it's is perfectly okay to not want to see him. Yes, it's perfectly okay to disengage and detach. Not only is it okay, it's a very healthy thing for you to do. If you are able to get away for a few days you should. Even if on a Saturday, get in your car and just take off for a drive. Go check out a museum or antique shop. Get some ice cream. Take some time to recharge yourself. I'll just add that if I went to the state where my son is in prison (I have family there) I would not go see him. It's not that I don't love him but my going to see him would only send a false message to him that I'm somehow going to help him. Sometimes it's just better to keep our distance even from our own children. Hang in there!! [/QUOTE]
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