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It's Not Always the difficult children....
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 411885" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Fran I think it's because she can't see the forest through the trees. I know she wants nice things.......but she truly loves her family on a very deep level. If she's been off for a week or two the difference is so huge that there is no way not to notice it. So much so that sister in law told her he'd love for her to be a stay at home mom......and that he was willing to make the sacrifices necessary if she wanted to do that. This is how dramatic the change was from overstressed exhausted working mom to stay at home mom on maternity leave. </p><p></p><p>It's like she can't see she has a lifetime to do and become all the things she dreams of..........that she's got to cram it all in as fast as possible.</p><p></p><p>So, no, I don't think it's financially driven......although easy child will often make the excuse that it is. sister in law doesn't make what she does, but he makes good money by himself. They could've managed with her reducing hours even before getting out from under the extra loan and moving back to their small house......so I know it's even more possible now. </p><p></p><p>Some of it I also wonder.......if it has to do with husband and Katie. easy child has always been an over achiever. husband was always a severe under achiever.........and katie who is nearly identical to him in personality, is much more severe than husband ever was. easy child has always tried hard to be nothing like either of them. She's been doing this burn the candle at both ends thing pretty much since Katie was here the last time. </p><p></p><p>I think she's just stuck in that groove for whatever reason. </p><p></p><p>I won't lie. She grew up poor. She did without many things during her childhood, not necessities, but still, compared to friends she did without a lot of stuff. I know there is also the desire for her boys to have the things she couldn't have growing up. But then honestly? They don't have most of them still as their schedules don't allow for it. The boys are flooded in toys and clothes.........but it is nearly impossible to let darrin to like a sport or something because the schedules are so crazy. The boys are not spoiled rotten............darrin is just as happy with a 25 cent car I find him that he really wants at a yard sale as he'd be with a 20 dollar one in a store.......but there is so much more a child needs than stuff and she's lost sight of that along the line. I think she believes she's still giving it to them.......but when she really isn't to the degree she believes she is. Quality time isn't quality when it's spent snapping over every minor infraction. </p><p></p><p>I've suggested the nanny. She sees the salary and nearly strokes. Since before she took this job I tried to explain to her that finding a 2nd shift sitter who is both really good with the kids and cheap is going to be impossible. She also wants them watched in her home. Now this one gets me because due to having to make them supper, even I won't watch them at her house. She's my child and I don't feel comfortable digging around in her kitchen to cook and serve them a meal. easy child did have one woman about my age willing to do it, but the woman wanted paid about 10 bucks an hour maybe a bit more. While it didn't surprise me in the least.......easy child couldn't believe it. This is where having family watch them most of her career has actually hurt her. As family we don't charge anywhere near what a normal daycare provider would charge. The last sitter she had.......only had the 2 little ones because darrin was in school, Nichole or I would watch them for the hour lay over time.......and often on weekends........so even that didn't cost easy child as much as it should have.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't be surprised if she dropped down to 2 days a wk that it would help their budget instead of hurt it. It would dramatically reduce daycare cost and the cost of gas alone. (one of the many reasons I chose to be a stay at home mom.......daycare alone made it not worth me going to work)</p><p></p><p>Just such a hard thing for a Mom to watch. She's in many ways just as miserable as the kids and her husband, even though she loves her job.</p><p></p><p>I'll talk to her again...............but I'll take time to work out what to say and how to say it first and maybe that will help. UGH I think sometimes it's harder when they're pcs. I mean when I try to talk to her about this I feel like I'm saying honey you're being <strong>too</strong> good.........ya know?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 411885, member: 84"] Fran I think it's because she can't see the forest through the trees. I know she wants nice things.......but she truly loves her family on a very deep level. If she's been off for a week or two the difference is so huge that there is no way not to notice it. So much so that sister in law told her he'd love for her to be a stay at home mom......and that he was willing to make the sacrifices necessary if she wanted to do that. This is how dramatic the change was from overstressed exhausted working mom to stay at home mom on maternity leave. It's like she can't see she has a lifetime to do and become all the things she dreams of..........that she's got to cram it all in as fast as possible. So, no, I don't think it's financially driven......although easy child will often make the excuse that it is. sister in law doesn't make what she does, but he makes good money by himself. They could've managed with her reducing hours even before getting out from under the extra loan and moving back to their small house......so I know it's even more possible now. Some of it I also wonder.......if it has to do with husband and Katie. easy child has always been an over achiever. husband was always a severe under achiever.........and katie who is nearly identical to him in personality, is much more severe than husband ever was. easy child has always tried hard to be nothing like either of them. She's been doing this burn the candle at both ends thing pretty much since Katie was here the last time. I think she's just stuck in that groove for whatever reason. I won't lie. She grew up poor. She did without many things during her childhood, not necessities, but still, compared to friends she did without a lot of stuff. I know there is also the desire for her boys to have the things she couldn't have growing up. But then honestly? They don't have most of them still as their schedules don't allow for it. The boys are flooded in toys and clothes.........but it is nearly impossible to let darrin to like a sport or something because the schedules are so crazy. The boys are not spoiled rotten............darrin is just as happy with a 25 cent car I find him that he really wants at a yard sale as he'd be with a 20 dollar one in a store.......but there is so much more a child needs than stuff and she's lost sight of that along the line. I think she believes she's still giving it to them.......but when she really isn't to the degree she believes she is. Quality time isn't quality when it's spent snapping over every minor infraction. I've suggested the nanny. She sees the salary and nearly strokes. Since before she took this job I tried to explain to her that finding a 2nd shift sitter who is both really good with the kids and cheap is going to be impossible. She also wants them watched in her home. Now this one gets me because due to having to make them supper, even I won't watch them at her house. She's my child and I don't feel comfortable digging around in her kitchen to cook and serve them a meal. easy child did have one woman about my age willing to do it, but the woman wanted paid about 10 bucks an hour maybe a bit more. While it didn't surprise me in the least.......easy child couldn't believe it. This is where having family watch them most of her career has actually hurt her. As family we don't charge anywhere near what a normal daycare provider would charge. The last sitter she had.......only had the 2 little ones because darrin was in school, Nichole or I would watch them for the hour lay over time.......and often on weekends........so even that didn't cost easy child as much as it should have. I wouldn't be surprised if she dropped down to 2 days a wk that it would help their budget instead of hurt it. It would dramatically reduce daycare cost and the cost of gas alone. (one of the many reasons I chose to be a stay at home mom.......daycare alone made it not worth me going to work) Just such a hard thing for a Mom to watch. She's in many ways just as miserable as the kids and her husband, even though she loves her job. I'll talk to her again...............but I'll take time to work out what to say and how to say it first and maybe that will help. UGH I think sometimes it's harder when they're pcs. I mean when I try to talk to her about this I feel like I'm saying honey you're being [B]too[/B] good.........ya know? [/QUOTE]
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