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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 106067" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't know what I want to say to you. There have been alot of</p><p>years and alot of holidays that we all have shared in the CD family. We have been joyful for the family members who have had</p><p>reasons to be joyous. We have been saddened and on occasion cried real tears for those who have endured pain. I admire your</p><p>intelligence, your diligence and your wit. I think you know that</p><p>in your heart.</p><p></p><p>on the other hand</p><p></p><p>(gee the family hates it when I change gears like this..lol)</p><p></p><p>I would like to suggest that "changing gears" may be exactly</p><p>what is needed this December 2007. There is no "Ho Ho Ho" in my</p><p>response because I don't think there is any sign of happiness and</p><p>wonder this year to trigger joyful responses in your home. My</p><p>gut says, however, that your son has been troubled or ill for many years. I don't believe that he can "change" who he is to suit you...or to suit him. Regardless of what diagnosis he has had or</p><p>will have, he is a screwed up 17 year old kid with issues that all the Kings horses and all the Kings men have NOT been able</p><p>to resolve. I do not believe for a New York minute that Dude</p><p>wants to be who Dude currently is.</p><p></p><p>Of course my feelings for you are "family like". I swear on the</p><p>lives of all my PCs and difficult children, I understand wanting to hide under</p><p>the covers and wait for time to pass. BUT, my friend, I do not</p><p>support that choice that sounds so appealing.</p><p></p><p>If Dude was a cripple would you tell him "walk to me" and then I</p><p>will respond. Dude is a cripple. Dude is an emotional cripple.</p><p>Find a middle ground, Star. You do not have to pretend. You do</p><p>not have to "Ho Ho". You do not have to buy special gifts. BUT</p><p>do something. Your son needs to know that you did something.</p><p>If it means sharing thirty minutes in the park, or filling a $1</p><p>stocking with candy and stupid little gifts, or going to a used</p><p>book store and buying a joke book. DO SOMETHING.</p><p></p><p>Every single day somebody has a child die or become crippled or</p><p>get arrested or ???. I'm sorry that it is you...but YOU are the</p><p>person that God gave Dude. You do not have to be perfect but YOU</p><p>ARE THE ONE. Find something. Then...no regrets. Many heartfelt</p><p>hugs. DDD </div></div></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Then...no regrets.</p><p></p><p>Just some little something, Star.</p><p></p><p>Some heartfelt little something that reminds Dude he is loved, and that he is worthy of being loved. </p><p></p><p>Maybe, a beautiful card for a special son.</p><p></p><p>Then...no regrets.</p><p></p><p>The disappointment we feel as our children grow and nothing is better is often too painful for words.</p><p></p><p>I remember Fran describing it as "The Scream".</p><p></p><p>Do you remember that?</p><p></p><p>These are the feelings that can destroy us, Star.</p><p></p><p>You need to fight them.</p><p></p><p>Then...no regrets.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p><p></p><p> :warrior:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 106067, member: 4391"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't know what I want to say to you. There have been alot of years and alot of holidays that we all have shared in the CD family. We have been joyful for the family members who have had reasons to be joyous. We have been saddened and on occasion cried real tears for those who have endured pain. I admire your intelligence, your diligence and your wit. I think you know that in your heart. on the other hand (gee the family hates it when I change gears like this..lol) I would like to suggest that "changing gears" may be exactly what is needed this December 2007. There is no "Ho Ho Ho" in my response because I don't think there is any sign of happiness and wonder this year to trigger joyful responses in your home. My gut says, however, that your son has been troubled or ill for many years. I don't believe that he can "change" who he is to suit you...or to suit him. Regardless of what diagnosis he has had or will have, he is a screwed up 17 year old kid with issues that all the Kings horses and all the Kings men have NOT been able to resolve. I do not believe for a New York minute that Dude wants to be who Dude currently is. Of course my feelings for you are "family like". I swear on the lives of all my PCs and difficult children, I understand wanting to hide under the covers and wait for time to pass. BUT, my friend, I do not support that choice that sounds so appealing. If Dude was a cripple would you tell him "walk to me" and then I will respond. Dude is a cripple. Dude is an emotional cripple. Find a middle ground, Star. You do not have to pretend. You do not have to "Ho Ho". You do not have to buy special gifts. BUT do something. Your son needs to know that you did something. If it means sharing thirty minutes in the park, or filling a $1 stocking with candy and stupid little gifts, or going to a used book store and buying a joke book. DO SOMETHING. Every single day somebody has a child die or become crippled or get arrested or ???. I'm sorry that it is you...but YOU are the person that God gave Dude. You do not have to be perfect but YOU ARE THE ONE. Find something. Then...no regrets. Many heartfelt hugs. DDD </div></div> Then...no regrets. Just some little something, Star. Some heartfelt little something that reminds Dude he is loved, and that he is worthy of being loved. Maybe, a beautiful card for a special son. Then...no regrets. The disappointment we feel as our children grow and nothing is better is often too painful for words. I remember Fran describing it as "The Scream". Do you remember that? These are the feelings that can destroy us, Star. You need to fight them. Then...no regrets. Barbara [img]:warrior:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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