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I've had ENOUGH!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 74794" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Witz,</p><p>I do tend to agree with you. I think when I finally realized that difficult child 1 might not even be a nice person underneath it all--that the person she was showing me might be the "real" her, it was a turning point for me. I was able to really detach and not hold out hope that she would change and to realize that she was living the life she chose and was seemingly happy with her choice. What freedom for me! I no longer had to wait around, I could get on with my own life that did not include her.</p><p></p><p>Funny thing is, soon after I had this realization and sort of informed her of it, she no longer had any power over me and then I did see changes. I do think she is a nice person after all but what freedom to realize she may not be and I didn't have to let it affect my life. I think if she hadn't "come around" I would have been okay. And coming around for her means that she supports herself and is appreciative of the relationship we now have which does not include any co-dependence. She is a stripper at a club for her job--to me she has come around, maybe not in the way I would have chosen, but she can support herself and is proud of that. I don't take on her choices as my responsibility, therefore I don't need to feel ashamed or upset. I don't like her boyfriend but I don't have to live with him or even speak to him.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think you made a good point--some kids do not come around and we have to be able to go on with our lives despite that. I don't think you give up exactly, you just don't hold out expectations for change and live your life waiting.</p><p></p><p>Thanks,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 74794, member: 3450"] Hi Witz, I do tend to agree with you. I think when I finally realized that difficult child 1 might not even be a nice person underneath it all--that the person she was showing me might be the "real" her, it was a turning point for me. I was able to really detach and not hold out hope that she would change and to realize that she was living the life she chose and was seemingly happy with her choice. What freedom for me! I no longer had to wait around, I could get on with my own life that did not include her. Funny thing is, soon after I had this realization and sort of informed her of it, she no longer had any power over me and then I did see changes. I do think she is a nice person after all but what freedom to realize she may not be and I didn't have to let it affect my life. I think if she hadn't "come around" I would have been okay. And coming around for her means that she supports herself and is appreciative of the relationship we now have which does not include any co-dependence. She is a stripper at a club for her job--to me she has come around, maybe not in the way I would have chosen, but she can support herself and is proud of that. I don't take on her choices as my responsibility, therefore I don't need to feel ashamed or upset. I don't like her boyfriend but I don't have to live with him or even speak to him. Anyway, I think you made a good point--some kids do not come around and we have to be able to go on with our lives despite that. I don't think you give up exactly, you just don't hold out expectations for change and live your life waiting. Thanks, Jane [/QUOTE]
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