Abbey, I've been following J's story for so many years, I feel like family, and I'm so sorry about what's happening with him. I think you've done an amazing job in detaching as much as you have; however, there is a limit and they remain our children. I feel for your husband -- it is so hard when hopes are raised, and then dashed. That's the story of our lives with our difficult children, we are disappointed, and then we raise our hopes, and are disappointed again, and so the circle goes on round and round.
On a smaller and much less dramatic level, we have this with our difficult child. Every time we think we are making progress, he reverts to his crappy behavior again. He's still at home, but a day doesn't go past when I don't wish he was out of the home, and out of my life. Every day on a small level I give him another chance, and yet another chance. Sometimes I feel I am being destroyed.
So, I just want to send you my love, and a good strong hug. You are not alone, and I send you strength and good wishes.
Love, Esther