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Jail, Rehab
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 656138" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Please try not to feel guilted into paying for rehab-that is NOT mandatory on your part at ALL. You have no guarantees that any of it will stick when he gets out and honestly, if you cannot afford it, it would be VERY foolish to throw out that kind of money.</p><p></p><p>Much better to do what you can with your own finances for YOU. Maybe a little vacation or trip to get away from the emotional blackmail he is imposing on you?</p><p></p><p>I have spent SO much money on my Difficult Child in the past that it makes my brain hurt to think of it. It was all for nothing-nothing changed and I was simply poorer. I had such blind faith that if I paid for this and that, then the penny would drop and he would see that my paying for therapy or legal fees or attorneys or fines, would give him a clean slate on which to write a new story.</p><p></p><p>It didn't happen. Now I do NOT give money or pay for anything-no, that's not true-I DO put money on his jail commissary every now and then, so I don't want to represent myself falsely. But now that he is back in jail after only TEN days of freedom, then why should I fund that poor choice? You shouldn't have to fund your son's poor choices either.</p><p></p><p>It has occurred to me many times that even if I ensconced him in a penthouse on the Gold Coast, overlooking Lake Michigan, he would revert back to his old and comfortable ways. He'd probably sublet it or something and keep the rent money to buy booze and drugs, haha.</p><p></p><p>Not trying to make this about me-just keep your money and tell him that as you haven't seen any proof that he really does want to change his life, you are not in a position to take a risk which has such a poor return on your investment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 656138, member: 13561"] Please try not to feel guilted into paying for rehab-that is NOT mandatory on your part at ALL. You have no guarantees that any of it will stick when he gets out and honestly, if you cannot afford it, it would be VERY foolish to throw out that kind of money. Much better to do what you can with your own finances for YOU. Maybe a little vacation or trip to get away from the emotional blackmail he is imposing on you? I have spent SO much money on my Difficult Child in the past that it makes my brain hurt to think of it. It was all for nothing-nothing changed and I was simply poorer. I had such blind faith that if I paid for this and that, then the penny would drop and he would see that my paying for therapy or legal fees or attorneys or fines, would give him a clean slate on which to write a new story. It didn't happen. Now I do NOT give money or pay for anything-no, that's not true-I DO put money on his jail commissary every now and then, so I don't want to represent myself falsely. But now that he is back in jail after only TEN days of freedom, then why should I fund that poor choice? You shouldn't have to fund your son's poor choices either. It has occurred to me many times that even if I ensconced him in a penthouse on the Gold Coast, overlooking Lake Michigan, he would revert back to his old and comfortable ways. He'd probably sublet it or something and keep the rent money to buy booze and drugs, haha. Not trying to make this about me-just keep your money and tell him that as you haven't seen any proof that he really does want to change his life, you are not in a position to take a risk which has such a poor return on your investment. [/QUOTE]
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