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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 656922" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Here is a weird and an eerie similarity: So, my mother was visiting. She had just come from her own sisters, who live in another state. They told her she was a liar over some things I know nothing about and that do not matter to this story. <em>At our own table, on our own lanai, in front of my own D H and in the hearing of our own neighbors ~ whom she had met, and about whom she had been told many of the same stories I tell here, about the nature of our neighborhood there ~ she...screamed would be too strong a word. She hollered, then. She hollered, loud and mean and nasty as could be, that I was a liar. Note: Not that I was lying, but that I was a liar. There is a difference, and it's a big one. We had been discussing...religion, a place where, in a rational discussion both parties have agreed to have, no one knows the answer absolutely and so, cannot possibly be lying about what they believe.</em></p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p>Prior to my mother hollering those words: "You are a liar.", the discussion had been pleasant, not loud, not intrusive to the neighbors. The only thing they could know then, was that my own mother, who was visiting, had found occasion to name me "Liar".</p><p></p><p>Fortunately, our neighborhood there is what it is. At some later date, long after my mother's visit was over and probably, a year later, the neighbors were gathered for Thanksgiving. We were talking about mothers. One of our neighbors had a mom who loved him. His now husband's mother was ~ I don't know how to describe her. She was like your mom, and like mine, SWOT. (And maybe, like yours too, Copa.) And the well-mothered person said: "When you have been raised well enough, your mother loves you all of your life and so, you can let her go. When you have had a difficult time of it because your mother was selfish and self-centered and hurt you, you carry that guilt."</p><p></p><p>Well, I can't remember, exactly what he said. D H said (I just asked him) that the neighbor said: If your mom was bad, you feel guilty. If your mom was a good enough mom, you are independent of her, a separate person from her. And you love her, but it is a casual, decent, sincere kind of thing. Not a thing like his partner had with his mother, or I had, with mine. That is how we know it was wrong, what happened to us, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>We bear the scars.</p><p></p><p>People whose moms were good enough moms? Exist in a whole other sphere of reality.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 656922, member: 17461"] Here is a weird and an eerie similarity: So, my mother was visiting. She had just come from her own sisters, who live in another state. They told her she was a liar over some things I know nothing about and that do not matter to this story. [I]At our own table, on our own lanai, in front of my own D H and in the hearing of our own neighbors ~ whom she had met, and about whom she had been told many of the same stories I tell here, about the nature of our neighborhood there ~ she...screamed would be too strong a word. She hollered, then. She hollered, loud and mean and nasty as could be, that I was a liar. Note: Not that I was lying, but that I was a liar. There is a difference, and it's a big one. We had been discussing...religion, a place where, in a rational discussion both parties have agreed to have, no one knows the answer absolutely and so, cannot possibly be lying about what they believe.[/I] Isn't that something. Prior to my mother hollering those words: "You are a liar.", the discussion had been pleasant, not loud, not intrusive to the neighbors. The only thing they could know then, was that my own mother, who was visiting, had found occasion to name me "Liar". Fortunately, our neighborhood there is what it is. At some later date, long after my mother's visit was over and probably, a year later, the neighbors were gathered for Thanksgiving. We were talking about mothers. One of our neighbors had a mom who loved him. His now husband's mother was ~ I don't know how to describe her. She was like your mom, and like mine, SWOT. (And maybe, like yours too, Copa.) And the well-mothered person said: "When you have been raised well enough, your mother loves you all of your life and so, you can let her go. When you have had a difficult time of it because your mother was selfish and self-centered and hurt you, you carry that guilt." Well, I can't remember, exactly what he said. D H said (I just asked him) that the neighbor said: If your mom was bad, you feel guilty. If your mom was a good enough mom, you are independent of her, a separate person from her. And you love her, but it is a casual, decent, sincere kind of thing. Not a thing like his partner had with his mother, or I had, with mine. That is how we know it was wrong, what happened to us, SWOT. We bear the scars. People whose moms were good enough moms? Exist in a whole other sphere of reality. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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