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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 656934" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Right. But this is not about our mothers, or what they needed, or what they were or were not able to give us to stand up to the challenges of living a life. What we are doing here, I think, is getting it that those weaknesses our mothers instilled in those same places where other moms and dads are intact <em>are hurting our children. </em>I need to be strong enough, need to be healed and whole enough, not to break in the face of my child's suffering. I need not to be a shame based mother because my child needs me to be strong enough now to see what is for what it is.</p><p></p><p>That is the only way I can help them.</p><p></p><p>I was a good enough mom, and I think everyone who loves their child enough to find this site, was a good enough mom for children whose challenges would have been just the day to day stuff we all deal with in living a life. But our children are addicted or emotionally ill or some weird combination of both. They need stronger mothers than I have been able to be.</p><p></p><p>They need mothers strong enough to believe they can do this thing; mothers strong enough to call them on it, and to turn away from them, when they are intentionally and determinedly going a wrong way.</p><p></p><p>This site, learning and teaching and sharing the really crummy and destructive parts of me, is working for me. I feel badly that we are here on Wendy23's thread when she needs us to be strong for her in the way she needs our combined strength, but here I am anyway.</p><p></p><p>Please excuse that, Wendy23.</p><p></p><p>I can't really apologize for it, because I keep doing it, keep posting my stuff on your thread. If you can hold faith with us for a little while here, we will be back on Watercooler, and not here, where you came for the assistance you require to learn how to be stronger enough for the sakes of your own children.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 656934, member: 17461"] Right. But this is not about our mothers, or what they needed, or what they were or were not able to give us to stand up to the challenges of living a life. What we are doing here, I think, is getting it that those weaknesses our mothers instilled in those same places where other moms and dads are intact [I]are hurting our children. [/I]I need to be strong enough, need to be healed and whole enough, not to break in the face of my child's suffering. I need not to be a shame based mother because my child needs me to be strong enough now to see what is for what it is. That is the only way I can help them. I was a good enough mom, and I think everyone who loves their child enough to find this site, was a good enough mom for children whose challenges would have been just the day to day stuff we all deal with in living a life. But our children are addicted or emotionally ill or some weird combination of both. They need stronger mothers than I have been able to be. They need mothers strong enough to believe they can do this thing; mothers strong enough to call them on it, and to turn away from them, when they are intentionally and determinedly going a wrong way. This site, learning and teaching and sharing the really crummy and destructive parts of me, is working for me. I feel badly that we are here on Wendy23's thread when she needs us to be strong for her in the way she needs our combined strength, but here I am anyway. Please excuse that, Wendy23. I can't really apologize for it, because I keep doing it, keep posting my stuff on your thread. If you can hold faith with us for a little while here, we will be back on Watercooler, and not here, where you came for the assistance you require to learn how to be stronger enough for the sakes of your own children. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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