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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657104" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree.</p><p>Have you heard of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? I think you'd like it and benefit from it. It is extreme for somebody who was abused and mistreated to feel sorry for the person who did it to them. Well...maybe it's not unusual, but it does show a certain level of guilt, which many who are abused feel. "Was it our fault she was bad? If I was just better, she would have been swell..."</p><p>It indicates that you feel you deserved it in some way or could have stopped her if you had been a better daughter. Explore what that really means. Doing everything she asked of you? Being her dream of you instead of who you are?</p><p>I can not wrap my mind around grieving for somebody who did bad things. I can see grieving for the mother you wished you'd had who wasn't your mother. But it's almost like you want to put her bad choices on your shoulders. And immortalize her as somebody who mistreated you most of you life, yet you miss...why? To see if she would finally love you the way most mothers love their children?</p><p>Like your son, your mother did what she wanted to do, not because of YOU, but because of HER. And, in her case, maybe near the end of her life she was sorry because...who knows why? But what she did, she owns.</p><p>We only own what WE do and we also own how we let others make us feel.</p><p>Hugs and hope you have a peaceful, serene and marvelous day, free of the sins of others that you had no hand in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657104, member: 1550"] I agree. Have you heard of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? I think you'd like it and benefit from it. It is extreme for somebody who was abused and mistreated to feel sorry for the person who did it to them. Well...maybe it's not unusual, but it does show a certain level of guilt, which many who are abused feel. "Was it our fault she was bad? If I was just better, she would have been swell..." It indicates that you feel you deserved it in some way or could have stopped her if you had been a better daughter. Explore what that really means. Doing everything she asked of you? Being her dream of you instead of who you are? I can not wrap my mind around grieving for somebody who did bad things. I can see grieving for the mother you wished you'd had who wasn't your mother. But it's almost like you want to put her bad choices on your shoulders. And immortalize her as somebody who mistreated you most of you life, yet you miss...why? To see if she would finally love you the way most mothers love their children? Like your son, your mother did what she wanted to do, not because of YOU, but because of HER. And, in her case, maybe near the end of her life she was sorry because...who knows why? But what she did, she owns. We only own what WE do and we also own how we let others make us feel. Hugs and hope you have a peaceful, serene and marvelous day, free of the sins of others that you had no hand in. [/QUOTE]
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