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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 456972" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>I'm sorry - when I first read the headline, I automatically did one of those snort, inhale kind of things - the ones that usually require computer screen cleanings, if you happen to sip something at the same time. So sorry - after a while one does get jaded with phrases like that, LOL. </p><p></p><p>Are the 2 difficult children bio sibs? What about any of the boys? Just curious to see how much of this would be biological and how much is learned/copied behavior?</p><p></p><p>I really don't have any advice for you - you already sound thoroughly disenchanted - so the detachment part is working. You also sound resigned like you have given up and are just waiting for them to come of age to leave [been there not that long ago myself!]. Perhaps counselling for you and your spouse? </p><p></p><p>Regrouping, rethinking, new approaches. I agree with Susiestar - consequences. Making up what has been destroyed, learning to repair/replace. Getting a job for the older one - and if she is not trustworthy with money etc, let her learn the logical natural consequences for her/their actions. Putting the younger one [actually both] to work at home for damages done. She/they steal - you find the proof and the loot - make them take it back and apologize. Don't hide it, sweep it under the rug, or be ashamed of what they are doing. If they continue to do so after the embarassment of having to return something a time or two, and it is not helping - get the police involved. If they steal from you or family - turn them in to the cops. I think if they are that far along and so slick with outmanuvering everybody else, then it is time for getting bigger guns involved for a reality check for them. It might still be time to turn them around, otherwise I see a real fair chance for major criminal careers here - con[wo]man au` contraire; booze, drugs for starters and worse to follow. You won't be always able to sweep ahead of them in life and warn everybody to get out of their way...</p><p></p><p>I'm really sorry for the poor return on your kindness and investment in these children - I bet this was not what you were expecting from parenthood - none of us with difficult children were. Do get some counseling for yourself and your husband. Family/couples therapy - so your marriage will last beyond the kids growing up, and also so you all have each other's back and see eye2eye in dealing with them. I'd definitely sit down with your husband and put a new rulebook together - four all 4 of them. Don't put anything in you are not willing or able to enforce though. Consequences. Follow through. Persistence - no matter how many tempertantrums and melt downs this may cause...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 456972, member: 12241"] I'm sorry - when I first read the headline, I automatically did one of those snort, inhale kind of things - the ones that usually require computer screen cleanings, if you happen to sip something at the same time. So sorry - after a while one does get jaded with phrases like that, LOL. Are the 2 difficult children bio sibs? What about any of the boys? Just curious to see how much of this would be biological and how much is learned/copied behavior? I really don't have any advice for you - you already sound thoroughly disenchanted - so the detachment part is working. You also sound resigned like you have given up and are just waiting for them to come of age to leave [been there not that long ago myself!]. Perhaps counselling for you and your spouse? Regrouping, rethinking, new approaches. I agree with Susiestar - consequences. Making up what has been destroyed, learning to repair/replace. Getting a job for the older one - and if she is not trustworthy with money etc, let her learn the logical natural consequences for her/their actions. Putting the younger one [actually both] to work at home for damages done. She/they steal - you find the proof and the loot - make them take it back and apologize. Don't hide it, sweep it under the rug, or be ashamed of what they are doing. If they continue to do so after the embarassment of having to return something a time or two, and it is not helping - get the police involved. If they steal from you or family - turn them in to the cops. I think if they are that far along and so slick with outmanuvering everybody else, then it is time for getting bigger guns involved for a reality check for them. It might still be time to turn them around, otherwise I see a real fair chance for major criminal careers here - con[wo]man au` contraire; booze, drugs for starters and worse to follow. You won't be always able to sweep ahead of them in life and warn everybody to get out of their way... I'm really sorry for the poor return on your kindness and investment in these children - I bet this was not what you were expecting from parenthood - none of us with difficult children were. Do get some counseling for yourself and your husband. Family/couples therapy - so your marriage will last beyond the kids growing up, and also so you all have each other's back and see eye2eye in dealing with them. I'd definitely sit down with your husband and put a new rulebook together - four all 4 of them. Don't put anything in you are not willing or able to enforce though. Consequences. Follow through. Persistence - no matter how many tempertantrums and melt downs this may cause... [/QUOTE]
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