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Just a bunch of questions this morning....paternity and child support
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 605117" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>As some of you may remember, this is personal issue for me.</p><p></p><p>Our laws about matter are simple. If married, husband is the father unless he denies it in reasonable time after child's birth (about four years) and shortly (at tops half a year) after he has found out he may not be biological father. Also if doubt and husband still claims a child as his own in writing, then so it is. Biological father has no rights, if his child is born to married woman (the last part is one of main themes of our father's right organizations.)</p><p></p><p>I had an one-night-stand during the time we were trying to get pregnant with husband. I still don't get it. The most foolish, gfgish, stupidest, self-destructive thing I have ever done. And I didn't even take morning-after pill though I got one. When I noticed I was pregnant, I considered abortion, but couldn't. I also considered telling my husband but I was in denial of the possibility of husband not being a father. And I did knew he would leave me, if I would tell. I didn't want to loose him. When difficult child was born, I couldn't be sure, though I did know somehow . There is no tell-tale signs. husband is 6 feet tall, strong built guy with blond hair and greyish/light blueish eyes. The other guy is closer to 6,5 feet, strong built guy with blond hair and greyish/light blueish eyes. difficult child is tall, lanky boy with blond hair and greyish eyes, that are just like mine. difficult child does not look much like either of these men, never has, though he does have lots of husband's mannerism. </p><p></p><p>But he does have that other guy's hands, had already as a baby. And I did know even though I tried to deny it, not think about it, forget it. I very well knew I was doing a wrong thing and was hurting my husband. It was incredibly low of me not to tell husband. That is something I'm extremely sorry about.</p><p></p><p>But difficult child started to scream, when he was a day old. And he didn't stop. I just couldn't imagine surviving on my own and did what was the best for my baby and didn't tell. husband did find out when difficult child was little over half year old and in hospital, critically ill. Child of ours could not have a blood type difficult child has. husband left us to hospital and few days later demanded a chance to see difficult child without having to see me. It was extremely chaotic month all the way around, but of course our baby being very ill made it all the more confusing. In the end husband came back with few stipulations. The other guy will never know, unless difficult child tells. We will tell difficult child but other than that, difficult child is his and topic is not discussed. Well, of course he had told his mother, so beans were permanently spilled when it comes to our extended family, but we can live with that, mostly. </p><p></p><p>At that point I had also understood, that I could make it on my own and that I and difficult child were not depending husband, so I did have few stipulations of him coming back too. That may not have been fair, but I was not going to live in situation there this would be used against me in every turn. Neither was my child going to live in the situation, there he wouldn't be equal to others. First thing worked well for me, second could have been better, but I think it has been more about other things than where difficult child got half of his genes. My granddad also demanded husband to write an letter there he claims difficult child even though 'he knew, that there is a possibility that he is not a father.' No going back and forth.</p><p></p><p>We have discussed about these things with husband during marital counselling last spring. husband says that he did come back mostly for difficult child. He did love me still, but was very angry and could had moved on. But understanding that if he denies his paternity on difficult child he would not have any rights on him either. And that if he left me, also I could contest the paternity and take away those rights. And leaving his baby behind and loosing him was not an option.</p><p></p><p>I'm extremely sorry for the hurt I caused to my husband and I can't explain even to myself why I chose to do as I did, but I can't say I regret a thing. Not really. I can't regret a fling, that gave me my difficult child. Neither can I really regret the lies and deception that lead husband to fall in love with our little boy and kept our family together. After all, without that, I would not have easy child. I simply can't regret anything that lead to those two boys living on this earth. I'm not proud of myself, but it is, what it is. </p><p></p><p>Now, if difficult child ever decides he wants to meet his biological father... Well, I hope he doesn't, because that would be a mess. Hopefully mess we could still survive, though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 605117, member: 14557"] As some of you may remember, this is personal issue for me. Our laws about matter are simple. If married, husband is the father unless he denies it in reasonable time after child's birth (about four years) and shortly (at tops half a year) after he has found out he may not be biological father. Also if doubt and husband still claims a child as his own in writing, then so it is. Biological father has no rights, if his child is born to married woman (the last part is one of main themes of our father's right organizations.) I had an one-night-stand during the time we were trying to get pregnant with husband. I still don't get it. The most foolish, gfgish, stupidest, self-destructive thing I have ever done. And I didn't even take morning-after pill though I got one. When I noticed I was pregnant, I considered abortion, but couldn't. I also considered telling my husband but I was in denial of the possibility of husband not being a father. And I did knew he would leave me, if I would tell. I didn't want to loose him. When difficult child was born, I couldn't be sure, though I did know somehow . There is no tell-tale signs. husband is 6 feet tall, strong built guy with blond hair and greyish/light blueish eyes. The other guy is closer to 6,5 feet, strong built guy with blond hair and greyish/light blueish eyes. difficult child is tall, lanky boy with blond hair and greyish eyes, that are just like mine. difficult child does not look much like either of these men, never has, though he does have lots of husband's mannerism. But he does have that other guy's hands, had already as a baby. And I did know even though I tried to deny it, not think about it, forget it. I very well knew I was doing a wrong thing and was hurting my husband. It was incredibly low of me not to tell husband. That is something I'm extremely sorry about. But difficult child started to scream, when he was a day old. And he didn't stop. I just couldn't imagine surviving on my own and did what was the best for my baby and didn't tell. husband did find out when difficult child was little over half year old and in hospital, critically ill. Child of ours could not have a blood type difficult child has. husband left us to hospital and few days later demanded a chance to see difficult child without having to see me. It was extremely chaotic month all the way around, but of course our baby being very ill made it all the more confusing. In the end husband came back with few stipulations. The other guy will never know, unless difficult child tells. We will tell difficult child but other than that, difficult child is his and topic is not discussed. Well, of course he had told his mother, so beans were permanently spilled when it comes to our extended family, but we can live with that, mostly. At that point I had also understood, that I could make it on my own and that I and difficult child were not depending husband, so I did have few stipulations of him coming back too. That may not have been fair, but I was not going to live in situation there this would be used against me in every turn. Neither was my child going to live in the situation, there he wouldn't be equal to others. First thing worked well for me, second could have been better, but I think it has been more about other things than where difficult child got half of his genes. My granddad also demanded husband to write an letter there he claims difficult child even though 'he knew, that there is a possibility that he is not a father.' No going back and forth. We have discussed about these things with husband during marital counselling last spring. husband says that he did come back mostly for difficult child. He did love me still, but was very angry and could had moved on. But understanding that if he denies his paternity on difficult child he would not have any rights on him either. And that if he left me, also I could contest the paternity and take away those rights. And leaving his baby behind and loosing him was not an option. I'm extremely sorry for the hurt I caused to my husband and I can't explain even to myself why I chose to do as I did, but I can't say I regret a thing. Not really. I can't regret a fling, that gave me my difficult child. Neither can I really regret the lies and deception that lead husband to fall in love with our little boy and kept our family together. After all, without that, I would not have easy child. I simply can't regret anything that lead to those two boys living on this earth. I'm not proud of myself, but it is, what it is. Now, if difficult child ever decides he wants to meet his biological father... Well, I hope he doesn't, because that would be a mess. Hopefully mess we could still survive, though. [/QUOTE]
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Just a bunch of questions this morning....paternity and child support
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