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Just a glimmer of good would have been nice...
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 530408" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>So difficult child spent most of the afternoon arguing with me over text yesterday. He wanted me to come and pick him up at his girlfriend's house - after he refused to come home the night before and was verbally disrespectful as well. Anyway, I gave him the option of walking (it's about 1.5 miles), riding his bike, taking the bus or getting a ride from her oh so wonderful parents. He spent 3 hours trying to get me to come and pick him up and he finally realized that I wasn't going to do it so he found his own way home. Not sure how he got home (probably got a ride) because husband and I weren't home. </p><p></p><p>He told me that he would be home but not to expect him to be friendly. My response was "Well, if you can't be friendly then you can be grumpy in your room." </p><p></p><p>When we got home we started a conversation with him about how he was disobedient, had broken the rules and was disrespectful - another broken rule. He needed to understand that he would be grounded because of this and that we'd be discussing it further in counselling on Wednesday. </p><p></p><p>At this point he informed us that he wouldn't be accepting any consequences and that we needed to change our behaviour because we had begged him to come home and we hadn't changed. Much discussion later he'd called me an f'n "b" about 6 times and told us his girlfriend's parents were 10x the parents we were. He refused to take a break to cool off (which was another thing we'd agreed to before he came home) so husband and I went out in the hot tub for about 40 minutes. He absolutely refused to go to his room to cool off or get out of my hair. </p><p></p><p>When we came back in I informed him that we required the following</p><p>1) A proper apology for his disobedience and disrespect.</p><p>2) Accept the consequences for breaking the rules.</p><p>3) Follow the rules</p><p>4) Go to counselling. </p><p>If he wasn't willing to do those things then he could find another place to live - his choice. </p><p></p><p>After much verbal abuse and fluster from him we said - you should write down everything that is bothering you and bring it to counselling on Wednesday - we'll discuss it there because this conversation is going nowhere. It was 1am at this point and husband and I had to be up at 5:30am. At that point difficult child informed us that we could "f off". So, husband said that was the last straw and he needed to grab a suitcase, pack his things and leave - he could go right then or first thing the next morning. </p><p></p><p>He chose to leave last night - but informed us that his girlfriend's parents did not want him there anymore. Aha!! Maybe they do have some common sense. Apparently they had informed him that he could no longer live with them and he needed to come home and work it out - he could not go back to their place. Yeah for them!! So I offered to find him a youth shelter to go to (remember he is 16) - no, he didn't want my help. OK. He called girlfriend and they agreed to allow him to stay for one night only. So I suggested he visit his guidance counsellor at school today and figure out where he was going to stay tonight. </p><p></p><p>I just got off the phone with his guidance counsellor who totally agreed with everything we did. He is going to call difficult child down to his office today (if difficult child shows up at school) and let him know what his options are for places to stay. I sure hope he explains that if he shows up at a homeless shelter with his brand new laptop, $400 guitar and cell phone that he likely won't be leaving with them the next day. </p><p></p><p>difficult child also informed us last night that the only reason he came home was because he wanted us to pay his way. He knows that if he doesn't come home that we won't pay for him to go to college/university and he wants us to continue to buy him things also. Really!? </p><p></p><p>I did have some hope that he had enough common sense and we'd raised him well enough to know how to work through this with us. Sigh...................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 530408, member: 14356"] So difficult child spent most of the afternoon arguing with me over text yesterday. He wanted me to come and pick him up at his girlfriend's house - after he refused to come home the night before and was verbally disrespectful as well. Anyway, I gave him the option of walking (it's about 1.5 miles), riding his bike, taking the bus or getting a ride from her oh so wonderful parents. He spent 3 hours trying to get me to come and pick him up and he finally realized that I wasn't going to do it so he found his own way home. Not sure how he got home (probably got a ride) because husband and I weren't home. He told me that he would be home but not to expect him to be friendly. My response was "Well, if you can't be friendly then you can be grumpy in your room." When we got home we started a conversation with him about how he was disobedient, had broken the rules and was disrespectful - another broken rule. He needed to understand that he would be grounded because of this and that we'd be discussing it further in counselling on Wednesday. At this point he informed us that he wouldn't be accepting any consequences and that we needed to change our behaviour because we had begged him to come home and we hadn't changed. Much discussion later he'd called me an f'n "b" about 6 times and told us his girlfriend's parents were 10x the parents we were. He refused to take a break to cool off (which was another thing we'd agreed to before he came home) so husband and I went out in the hot tub for about 40 minutes. He absolutely refused to go to his room to cool off or get out of my hair. When we came back in I informed him that we required the following 1) A proper apology for his disobedience and disrespect. 2) Accept the consequences for breaking the rules. 3) Follow the rules 4) Go to counselling. If he wasn't willing to do those things then he could find another place to live - his choice. After much verbal abuse and fluster from him we said - you should write down everything that is bothering you and bring it to counselling on Wednesday - we'll discuss it there because this conversation is going nowhere. It was 1am at this point and husband and I had to be up at 5:30am. At that point difficult child informed us that we could "f off". So, husband said that was the last straw and he needed to grab a suitcase, pack his things and leave - he could go right then or first thing the next morning. He chose to leave last night - but informed us that his girlfriend's parents did not want him there anymore. Aha!! Maybe they do have some common sense. Apparently they had informed him that he could no longer live with them and he needed to come home and work it out - he could not go back to their place. Yeah for them!! So I offered to find him a youth shelter to go to (remember he is 16) - no, he didn't want my help. OK. He called girlfriend and they agreed to allow him to stay for one night only. So I suggested he visit his guidance counsellor at school today and figure out where he was going to stay tonight. I just got off the phone with his guidance counsellor who totally agreed with everything we did. He is going to call difficult child down to his office today (if difficult child shows up at school) and let him know what his options are for places to stay. I sure hope he explains that if he shows up at a homeless shelter with his brand new laptop, $400 guitar and cell phone that he likely won't be leaving with them the next day. difficult child also informed us last night that the only reason he came home was because he wanted us to pay his way. He knows that if he doesn't come home that we won't pay for him to go to college/university and he wants us to continue to buy him things also. Really!? I did have some hope that he had enough common sense and we'd raised him well enough to know how to work through this with us. Sigh................... [/QUOTE]
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