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just a not so hot day
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 481133" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Many many gentle hugs to you. </p><p></p><p>I think the best explanation for the move is the truth - his treatment team, of which you are a part of, wanted him to be in the absolute best setting so he can gain the skills he needs so that he can return home successfully. I think it's important to keep the focus on treatment, on what *he* needs to be working on, and that staff are there to support and help him. I always felt that it was important that thank you understood that he was in charge of his living situation. His ability to use therapeutic tools, learn self-control, follow rules, behave appropriately - those were the things that dictated which setting he lived in. None of it was punishment - it was matching his level of behavior with- the level of supports available. </p><p></p><p>I understand the guilt. I think it's normal. When thank you left for his first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I felt just horrible anytime the family went to see a movie or did anything that was fun... how could we be having fun and laughing and smiling when one of us wasn't there? </p><p></p><p>The reality was that we had spent literally years in crisis mode. Restraints and police/EMTs and hospitals and IEP mtgs and psychiatrist/therapist appts, walking on eggshells waiting for his next rage, or dealing with the current rage. My other kids rarely got to do anything fun (museum or movie or whatever) because our entire life revolved around thank you's ever-changing and usually volatile moods. husband and I were constantly tag-team parenting - whoever was least burnt out was it. It was a really hard way to live, but we didn't even realize it until thank you was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). </p><p></p><p>It felt absolutely surreal to *not* have the daily drama anymore. A peaceful home? No yelling, no brandished weapons, no flying objects? Being able to go out in public without have a kid that turned into a screaming banshee? I missed thank you like crazy, but after about 6 months, I really cherished and enjoyed our new calmer lives. And I quit feeling so guilty about feeling content while one of my kids wasn't home. </p><p></p><p>It will take you awhile to find your equilibrium now. It will come. You need to be sure to take care of you right now. It's incredibly stressful to have a kid out of the home, but you *are* allowed to take care of yourself. And you may need to be strong in the coming months - it's not uncommon for kids to quickly switch into bargaining mode - "Mom, I'll do XYZ, just let me come home." It will tear your heart out, because I know you want him home. But remember why he's there, remember what the goal is - a kiddo who can function in a community, safely and appropriately. </p><p></p><p>Again, many many hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 481133, member: 8"] Many many gentle hugs to you. I think the best explanation for the move is the truth - his treatment team, of which you are a part of, wanted him to be in the absolute best setting so he can gain the skills he needs so that he can return home successfully. I think it's important to keep the focus on treatment, on what *he* needs to be working on, and that staff are there to support and help him. I always felt that it was important that thank you understood that he was in charge of his living situation. His ability to use therapeutic tools, learn self-control, follow rules, behave appropriately - those were the things that dictated which setting he lived in. None of it was punishment - it was matching his level of behavior with- the level of supports available. I understand the guilt. I think it's normal. When thank you left for his first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I felt just horrible anytime the family went to see a movie or did anything that was fun... how could we be having fun and laughing and smiling when one of us wasn't there? The reality was that we had spent literally years in crisis mode. Restraints and police/EMTs and hospitals and IEP mtgs and psychiatrist/therapist appts, walking on eggshells waiting for his next rage, or dealing with the current rage. My other kids rarely got to do anything fun (museum or movie or whatever) because our entire life revolved around thank you's ever-changing and usually volatile moods. husband and I were constantly tag-team parenting - whoever was least burnt out was it. It was a really hard way to live, but we didn't even realize it until thank you was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It felt absolutely surreal to *not* have the daily drama anymore. A peaceful home? No yelling, no brandished weapons, no flying objects? Being able to go out in public without have a kid that turned into a screaming banshee? I missed thank you like crazy, but after about 6 months, I really cherished and enjoyed our new calmer lives. And I quit feeling so guilty about feeling content while one of my kids wasn't home. It will take you awhile to find your equilibrium now. It will come. You need to be sure to take care of you right now. It's incredibly stressful to have a kid out of the home, but you *are* allowed to take care of yourself. And you may need to be strong in the coming months - it's not uncommon for kids to quickly switch into bargaining mode - "Mom, I'll do XYZ, just let me come home." It will tear your heart out, because I know you want him home. But remember why he's there, remember what the goal is - a kiddo who can function in a community, safely and appropriately. Again, many many hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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