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Just a thought: It is so much less busy now than it used to be here.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 683194" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>MFK, this was a courageous and very wise post.</p><p></p><p>I was one who posted constantly baring my soul and examining my whole life. It is a minor miracle that I felt welcome here, and for the most part, safe, for almost one whole year. I have grown in confidence and I have grown as a person.</p><p></p><p>Each of us while unified in having difficult child children, come here as different people with different needs, and different motivations and modus operandi. That it works as well as it does is truly amazing.</p><p></p><p>That said, I would feel cowardly if I did not say that a part of my reticence to post as much was similar to what MFK cited. But not all.</p><p></p><p>This site saved my life. It served the greatest of needs. I was accepted and supported.</p><p></p><p>Everything that follows does not in any way diminish this essential truth.</p><p>I learned a great deal here. Detaching was extremely important to me. Having the support to do so was essential. Hands on instruction, modeling how to do it and what to say helped me.</p><p></p><p>But a line can be crossed into judgment, in believing that we know the other person's circumstance and child, or divine them, and can even ascribe motivations to them, and denounce posters, based upon our own experience which by definition is limited. Or to believe we know <em>the truth</em>. And to say it. About anything that comes into our minds. No matter what the consequence.</p><p></p><p>Even if we have not read in entirety the post, sometimes. Each of us is responsible.</p><p> The utility of this forum was to be able to tell the truth, when nobody else could hear it or even wanted to.</p><p></p><p>How could it be helpful that ones vulnerability be sought out, to be made wrong, for somebody to build themselves up or discharge their own negativity, however human that would be? To not remember boundaries or to take responsibility for ones conduct and contribution. Is that helpful or constructive?</p><p></p><p>We are all of us, responsible.</p><p></p><p>Of course people would move on. Would someone want to stay where their words of vulnerability or tentative seeking to find their way, a way, were used by others to their own self-serving ends? Maybe this is human nature.</p><p></p><p>Of course it is. How could a place like this not entail all of it--the soaring and the small. How tremendously this site worked for me.</p><p></p><p>Maybe all of this post is a love letter, after the affair has ended. A great love, over but not lost.</p><p>To me, it is more that a few parents may have decided that they knew best for all, or even knew all, not keeping in mind they did not know anybody beyond their own situation or immediate surroundings. To believe one knows best can be a hurtful thing. On the other hand, being direct and honest is necessary. How else does one learn?</p><p></p><p>To me this site has been a place to come with doubt, not knowing one thing, having lost all certainty and direction. And then finding it. Within oneself.</p><p></p><p>My experience here has been great. I have learned so much.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all.</p><p></p><p>Copa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 683194, member: 18958"] MFK, this was a courageous and very wise post. I was one who posted constantly baring my soul and examining my whole life. It is a minor miracle that I felt welcome here, and for the most part, safe, for almost one whole year. I have grown in confidence and I have grown as a person. Each of us while unified in having difficult child children, come here as different people with different needs, and different motivations and modus operandi. That it works as well as it does is truly amazing. That said, I would feel cowardly if I did not say that a part of my reticence to post as much was similar to what MFK cited. But not all. This site saved my life. It served the greatest of needs. I was accepted and supported. Everything that follows does not in any way diminish this essential truth. I learned a great deal here. Detaching was extremely important to me. Having the support to do so was essential. Hands on instruction, modeling how to do it and what to say helped me. But a line can be crossed into judgment, in believing that we know the other person's circumstance and child, or divine them, and can even ascribe motivations to them, and denounce posters, based upon our own experience which by definition is limited. Or to believe we know [I]the truth[/I]. And to say it. About anything that comes into our minds. No matter what the consequence. Even if we have not read in entirety the post, sometimes. Each of us is responsible. The utility of this forum was to be able to tell the truth, when nobody else could hear it or even wanted to. How could it be helpful that ones vulnerability be sought out, to be made wrong, for somebody to build themselves up or discharge their own negativity, however human that would be? To not remember boundaries or to take responsibility for ones conduct and contribution. Is that helpful or constructive? We are all of us, responsible. Of course people would move on. Would someone want to stay where their words of vulnerability or tentative seeking to find their way, a way, were used by others to their own self-serving ends? Maybe this is human nature. Of course it is. How could a place like this not entail all of it--the soaring and the small. How tremendously this site worked for me. Maybe all of this post is a love letter, after the affair has ended. A great love, over but not lost. To me, it is more that a few parents may have decided that they knew best for all, or even knew all, not keeping in mind they did not know anybody beyond their own situation or immediate surroundings. To believe one knows best can be a hurtful thing. On the other hand, being direct and honest is necessary. How else does one learn? To me this site has been a place to come with doubt, not knowing one thing, having lost all certainty and direction. And then finding it. Within oneself. My experience here has been great. I have learned so much. Thank you all. Copa [/QUOTE]
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