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just asked difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 391924" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Given the recent events of the past several months with her condition, it's understandable for both of you to automatically want to be near one another. You've been her lifeline and she's somewhat isolated with being out of school and not having a 'normal' schedule outside of doctor visits. Likewise, she's been your main focus and you're scared out of your wits that she will regress. All understandable IMVHO. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">However, that said, neither of you should be holding the other hostage over this. You both need your own space and time to be alone or with others. She is at an age where, despite her condition, she should be spending quality time with herself, her siblings, and/or friends away from you. You're her MOM and it's okay to 'need' you when she's ill or going through something traumatic, however she should not be leaning on you for everything round the clock. And you, dear wonderful mother, need some time to rejuvenate and recover and be the adult woman you are, whether that means time alone or with one of your other children or with H.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">But make these changes slowly and with sublety. I don't think you need to point out to difficult child every time you want her to leave your room or whenever you feel you need space. I think that by being so direct she may feel as if you're pushing her away and possibly feel rejected. Instead, just excuse yourself when you're ready to have your own time alone...and let her know the ground rules about watching tv in your room (it's always been a rule in our home that kids are not allowed to hang out in our room for any reason unless specifically invited by H or me - no tv, no book reading, no sleeping, nothing. Our room, our personal space - no one is welcome unless invited, period). Encourage her to spend time doing things she enjoys by herself or with other family members besides you and then leave it up to her how she will spend her time without you. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I think this situation requires you to put up loving healthy boundaries. Loving healthy boundaries are not a way of pushing difficult child away or isolating her from you. It's a way of creating an environment that is healthy for both of you - for her to grow and become more independent and for you to be an adult on your own without always having to give of yourself. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Hugs and good luck - you can do this! </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 391924, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Given the recent events of the past several months with her condition, it's understandable for both of you to automatically want to be near one another. You've been her lifeline and she's somewhat isolated with being out of school and not having a 'normal' schedule outside of doctor visits. Likewise, she's been your main focus and you're scared out of your wits that she will regress. All understandable IMVHO. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]However, that said, neither of you should be holding the other hostage over this. You both need your own space and time to be alone or with others. She is at an age where, despite her condition, she should be spending quality time with herself, her siblings, and/or friends away from you. You're her MOM and it's okay to 'need' you when she's ill or going through something traumatic, however she should not be leaning on you for everything round the clock. And you, dear wonderful mother, need some time to rejuvenate and recover and be the adult woman you are, whether that means time alone or with one of your other children or with H.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]But make these changes slowly and with sublety. I don't think you need to point out to difficult child every time you want her to leave your room or whenever you feel you need space. I think that by being so direct she may feel as if you're pushing her away and possibly feel rejected. Instead, just excuse yourself when you're ready to have your own time alone...and let her know the ground rules about watching tv in your room (it's always been a rule in our home that kids are not allowed to hang out in our room for any reason unless specifically invited by H or me - no tv, no book reading, no sleeping, nothing. Our room, our personal space - no one is welcome unless invited, period). Encourage her to spend time doing things she enjoys by herself or with other family members besides you and then leave it up to her how she will spend her time without you. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I think this situation requires you to put up loving healthy boundaries. Loving healthy boundaries are not a way of pushing difficult child away or isolating her from you. It's a way of creating an environment that is healthy for both of you - for her to grow and become more independent and for you to be an adult on your own without always having to give of yourself. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Hugs and good luck - you can do this! [/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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