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Just asking for prayers and good thoughts for daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641150" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Welcome.</p><p>I have adopted five children. Two did not work out. One, adopted at six from another country, decided we aren't his family and one, adopted at eleven, was so dangerous I fear that he is out on the streets unsupervised. We are not in any type of contact at all. He is too threatening and does not even know where we are. If he murdered somebody, it would not shock me.</p><p></p><p>I think it is amazing both to you and for her that at age eleven she did not reject you with attachment disorder, which did happen to us. Our young adoptees are amazing, but our older ones did not do well in our family at all. So kudos to you and to her. Please understand that you did a great job and so did she survive well!</p><p></p><p>Was she possibly exposed to drugs in utero by birthmother or abused in foster care? Most kids who are adopted out of foster care have disorders, due to the poor care their birthmothers gave them both in utero and after, and then in all those foster homes. Autism is common. Could you daughter have a form of that? Or could she have some fetal alcohol spectrum that just makes it hard for her to grow up through no fault of her own? Face it, just being a foster child would retard age growth. And, happily, NOTHING that happened to her impacts your grandson unless she also drank or did drugs while pregnant and it does not sound as if those were problems she had. Sounds like she has some "growing up" delays and while so many of our adult children don't want to grow up and get into trouble because they hate rules, to me it sounds more like your daughter is disinterested in growing up. She reminds me a bit of my twenty-one year old who can not be talked into caring about healthy food or his weight, although he has gone to nutritionists and is doing well with high functioning autism. Yes, he was adopted out of foster care. Yes, his birth mother did drugs while pregnant. Yes, that is probably partly why he has a form of autism, but it could be worse. He is a happy kid, although rather disinterested in what "normal" twenty-one year olds care about. Although he is self-sufficient as far as living in his own place and having a part-time job, he is very young in his interests.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard to figure out our adopted children when they have complicated histories. But to me it sounds like she is doing well, her early life considered, before she came to you. And you sound amazing. Just don't judge her as you'd just a young adult who lived with stability all her life and whose birthmother took stellar care of herself. And don't try to make her something she's not. I am guardian over my son and still take care of his medical appointments. I think one day he will be able to take care of his own medical needs, but he isn't there yet. And he is twenty-one. He will always need a little support from the community due to his disability but, in general, he is doing great and your daughter is doing pretty well too in most aspects of life. Do you have legal guardianship over her? If you got it, you'd be able to control her medical care until she is able to do it herself. She may grow up much more slowly than people who had a better start in life. That doesn't mean she will never grow up, although that is also possible. Has she been evaluated to see where her functionality is?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641150, member: 1550"] Hi there. Welcome. I have adopted five children. Two did not work out. One, adopted at six from another country, decided we aren't his family and one, adopted at eleven, was so dangerous I fear that he is out on the streets unsupervised. We are not in any type of contact at all. He is too threatening and does not even know where we are. If he murdered somebody, it would not shock me. I think it is amazing both to you and for her that at age eleven she did not reject you with attachment disorder, which did happen to us. Our young adoptees are amazing, but our older ones did not do well in our family at all. So kudos to you and to her. Please understand that you did a great job and so did she survive well! Was she possibly exposed to drugs in utero by birthmother or abused in foster care? Most kids who are adopted out of foster care have disorders, due to the poor care their birthmothers gave them both in utero and after, and then in all those foster homes. Autism is common. Could you daughter have a form of that? Or could she have some fetal alcohol spectrum that just makes it hard for her to grow up through no fault of her own? Face it, just being a foster child would retard age growth. And, happily, NOTHING that happened to her impacts your grandson unless she also drank or did drugs while pregnant and it does not sound as if those were problems she had. Sounds like she has some "growing up" delays and while so many of our adult children don't want to grow up and get into trouble because they hate rules, to me it sounds more like your daughter is disinterested in growing up. She reminds me a bit of my twenty-one year old who can not be talked into caring about healthy food or his weight, although he has gone to nutritionists and is doing well with high functioning autism. Yes, he was adopted out of foster care. Yes, his birth mother did drugs while pregnant. Yes, that is probably partly why he has a form of autism, but it could be worse. He is a happy kid, although rather disinterested in what "normal" twenty-one year olds care about. Although he is self-sufficient as far as living in his own place and having a part-time job, he is very young in his interests. It is very hard to figure out our adopted children when they have complicated histories. But to me it sounds like she is doing well, her early life considered, before she came to you. And you sound amazing. Just don't judge her as you'd just a young adult who lived with stability all her life and whose birthmother took stellar care of herself. And don't try to make her something she's not. I am guardian over my son and still take care of his medical appointments. I think one day he will be able to take care of his own medical needs, but he isn't there yet. And he is twenty-one. He will always need a little support from the community due to his disability but, in general, he is doing great and your daughter is doing pretty well too in most aspects of life. Do you have legal guardianship over her? If you got it, you'd be able to control her medical care until she is able to do it herself. She may grow up much more slowly than people who had a better start in life. That doesn't mean she will never grow up, although that is also possible. Has she been evaluated to see where her functionality is? [/QUOTE]
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Just asking for prayers and good thoughts for daughter
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