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Substance Abuse
Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 724465" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>You are right. And it’s hard to sleep at night when you follow them to low places, against your character, in a desperate attempt to get them to see the light.</p><p></p><p>We went there ourselves, after an extended downward spiral, toward the end before my son went to inpatient.</p><p></p><p>And it was like an involuntary act. In one minute, we were desperately trying to disabuse my son of his distorted reasoning and keep him from running away to another danger. In the next, I’m backed up against my son with outstretched arms saying “don’t, don’t, don’t” as my husband flexed on him. Saying “if you hit him, you know it will hurt you more than him.” My husband agreed and thanked me and backed down.</p><p></p><p>Within 5 minutes, my own hand came across and slapped my son’s face so hard it stung.</p><p></p><p>It wasn’t that he said or did something that offended me in new ways. It was my body screaming with the realization that I could not keep my son safe.</p><p></p><p>And I didn’t realize then that he wasn’t there to shock back into reality.</p><p></p><p>As we’ve learned better, we’ve done better. I know those are days we won’t go back to.</p><p></p><p>But they are important memories, I think. Maybe even for them.</p><p></p><p>Like that addict said about grandma Ksm trying to chase the losers away from her granddaughter with a baseball bat — “she must really love you, no one in my family would do that for me.”</p><p></p><p>At least I hope that might be the takeaway. Desperate times.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 724465, member: 19290"] You are right. And it’s hard to sleep at night when you follow them to low places, against your character, in a desperate attempt to get them to see the light. We went there ourselves, after an extended downward spiral, toward the end before my son went to inpatient. And it was like an involuntary act. In one minute, we were desperately trying to disabuse my son of his distorted reasoning and keep him from running away to another danger. In the next, I’m backed up against my son with outstretched arms saying “don’t, don’t, don’t” as my husband flexed on him. Saying “if you hit him, you know it will hurt you more than him.” My husband agreed and thanked me and backed down. Within 5 minutes, my own hand came across and slapped my son’s face so hard it stung. It wasn’t that he said or did something that offended me in new ways. It was my body screaming with the realization that I could not keep my son safe. And I didn’t realize then that he wasn’t there to shock back into reality. As we’ve learned better, we’ve done better. I know those are days we won’t go back to. But they are important memories, I think. Maybe even for them. Like that addict said about grandma Ksm trying to chase the losers away from her granddaughter with a baseball bat — “she must really love you, no one in my family would do that for me.” At least I hope that might be the takeaway. Desperate times. [/QUOTE]
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Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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