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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 739468" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi Penny,</p><p></p><p>One of the things that has always frustrated me about parenting is the attitude out there that when a kid is messed up it is the parents fault. That is why I always feel so terrible for the parents of those that commit awful crimes. I have been embarrassed many times since my son was little by things he did.... after a while I just had to realize it was the way he is, it was not my parenting, no matter what other people thought. </p><p></p><p>Lucky for me I have two kids and my daughter was a very together kid (and a very together adult). She is younger than my son but I realized after she came along that a lot of things I blamed myself for just was the difference in wiring between the two. If she had been my only child I might have been one of those know it all parents who thought my great parenting turned out a great kid, but given that I had my son I knew better!!!</p><p></p><p>I do think there are cases of horrible abuse and trauma inflicted by parents have a negative affect on kids.... but that is not what any of us is talking about here.</p><p></p><p>I too have gone through what could I have done differently. I have played the if only game many times.... and honestly I am really not sure that anything would have made any difference. In fact I had a therapist once tell me we were a protective factor for our son.... in another environment with different parents (both are kids are adopted) he might have been much worse off. So I have come to the conclusion that none of that matters.</p><p></p><p>He is an adult now... what matters is what he does, what decisions he makes and all I can do is to continue to let him know I love him.</p><p></p><p>Sounds to me you are doing great.... trying to keep a relationship going for your grandbaby!! That is the right priority to have!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 739468, member: 15801"] Hi Penny, One of the things that has always frustrated me about parenting is the attitude out there that when a kid is messed up it is the parents fault. That is why I always feel so terrible for the parents of those that commit awful crimes. I have been embarrassed many times since my son was little by things he did.... after a while I just had to realize it was the way he is, it was not my parenting, no matter what other people thought. Lucky for me I have two kids and my daughter was a very together kid (and a very together adult). She is younger than my son but I realized after she came along that a lot of things I blamed myself for just was the difference in wiring between the two. If she had been my only child I might have been one of those know it all parents who thought my great parenting turned out a great kid, but given that I had my son I knew better!!! I do think there are cases of horrible abuse and trauma inflicted by parents have a negative affect on kids.... but that is not what any of us is talking about here. I too have gone through what could I have done differently. I have played the if only game many times.... and honestly I am really not sure that anything would have made any difference. In fact I had a therapist once tell me we were a protective factor for our son.... in another environment with different parents (both are kids are adopted) he might have been much worse off. So I have come to the conclusion that none of that matters. He is an adult now... what matters is what he does, what decisions he makes and all I can do is to continue to let him know I love him. Sounds to me you are doing great.... trying to keep a relationship going for your grandbaby!! That is the right priority to have! [/QUOTE]
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