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Just need to get this off my chest - husband vent
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 558975" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Slsh, perhaps not the best moment to mention this, but geez girl, you can write! Interesting, cheeky, heartfelt and clear, quite good. Well, anyway, FWIW, the first thing that crossed my mind is you have a grown up <em>large</em> difficult child on your hands! And, we all know we have no control over their actions, so........ Have you tried couples therapy? Underneath the anger is a lot of fear and worry about losing him. I presume you've told him that? He needs to wake up to reality and like our kids, you can't pry his eyelids open for him to see, to really see what he's doing to himself. Sigh. What a predicament you're in, I can see why you feel the way you do, you're in a double bind, you love him and you don't want to lose him, but he won't do anything to help himself get healthy. Yikes. I'd be angry and scared too. Perhaps you should go get yourself that apartment or set up some kind of strong boundaries that say, <em>you lose weight, get yourself healthy, eat well, take care of yourself, or I will not be around to watch you kill yourself. </em>All you can really do is take care of you. I'm sorry, that may not really be what you want to hear. It seems that this may be another example of detaching.............or learning to accept him for who he is and live with his choices, even if they kill him. Sometimes a therapist can offer more options which you aren't able to see right now, I don't know. </p><p></p><p>If he is really having panic attacks due to stress, perhaps there is a medication which will relieve the stress and give him energy to change his eating habits and go to the gym? I am not knowledgeable about medication, so maybe another member here can offer you suggestions on that. It sounds like he's stuck in a rut of his own making. Is he depressed? It feels to me that on some level he's abandoned you. </p><p></p><p>In any case, you have so much on your plate, this added stress from his choices seems very unfair to you. I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. I wish I had some magic formula to share with you, but I don't. I can send hugs and offer you warm wishes for solutions and options to show up and for a light bulb to go off in husband's brain which makes him eat a lot of salad and go out the door to jog.............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 558975, member: 13542"] Slsh, perhaps not the best moment to mention this, but geez girl, you can write! Interesting, cheeky, heartfelt and clear, quite good. Well, anyway, FWIW, the first thing that crossed my mind is you have a grown up [I]large[/I] difficult child on your hands! And, we all know we have no control over their actions, so........ Have you tried couples therapy? Underneath the anger is a lot of fear and worry about losing him. I presume you've told him that? He needs to wake up to reality and like our kids, you can't pry his eyelids open for him to see, to really see what he's doing to himself. Sigh. What a predicament you're in, I can see why you feel the way you do, you're in a double bind, you love him and you don't want to lose him, but he won't do anything to help himself get healthy. Yikes. I'd be angry and scared too. Perhaps you should go get yourself that apartment or set up some kind of strong boundaries that say, [I]you lose weight, get yourself healthy, eat well, take care of yourself, or I will not be around to watch you kill yourself. [/I]All you can really do is take care of you. I'm sorry, that may not really be what you want to hear. It seems that this may be another example of detaching.............or learning to accept him for who he is and live with his choices, even if they kill him. Sometimes a therapist can offer more options which you aren't able to see right now, I don't know. If he is really having panic attacks due to stress, perhaps there is a medication which will relieve the stress and give him energy to change his eating habits and go to the gym? I am not knowledgeable about medication, so maybe another member here can offer you suggestions on that. It sounds like he's stuck in a rut of his own making. Is he depressed? It feels to me that on some level he's abandoned you. In any case, you have so much on your plate, this added stress from his choices seems very unfair to you. I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. I wish I had some magic formula to share with you, but I don't. I can send hugs and offer you warm wishes for solutions and options to show up and for a light bulb to go off in husband's brain which makes him eat a lot of salad and go out the door to jog............. [/QUOTE]
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