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Just plain angry
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 488080" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>As women we grow up thinking that we are not allowed to be angry. We are supposed to be "good girls" and forgive, let it go, etc.... Boys can be angry, can be aggressive, but we are taught it isn't "ladylike" or okay. I think many of us have to learn how to be angry and how to deal with it because we didn't get those tools as kids. We do what Star did - we stuff it. We take the abuse, we don't get "upset" esp when being angry is the most rational response to a situation.</p><p></p><p>It takes some work to learn to let yourself be angry and to learn to use that anger in a healthy, productive manner. there is a great book called The Dance of Anger that you might find intersting/helpful. </p><p></p><p>It also helps to learn how to express your anger appropriately rather than to wait and blow up. I was a champion yeller, grew up in a family where yelling was common, even normal, but it wasn't okay for ME to get angry. I was told not to be "dramatic" or "hysterical" or not to "over-react" and that any time I expressed anger I was "over-reacting" or irrational. Even now my mother firmly believes that anger is the only emotion I feel and taht I have no happy or positive feelings/ memories. I have accepted that NO amount of telling her positive things/happy memories/not showing anger to her will change that. I find it baffling, but have come a long way toward accepting that it is her perception and not reality - and that I don't have to work to make her "see" that I am not angry. It has taken a LOT of work to get to that point.</p><p></p><p>A BIG help for me was a book called "She's Gonna Blow: Real help for Moms Dealing with Anger" by Julie Ann Barnhill. It is a "christian" based book, but I have known a lot of women of toher faiths or no faith who found it helpful. Figuring out that it was okay to be angry and how to be angry with-o letting it rule my life or take over was important. It made me a better person, mom, daughter, etc.... </p><p></p><p>Anger can be a very good thing. Esp if it helps you move forward, grow, and stop tolerating abuse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 488080, member: 1233"] As women we grow up thinking that we are not allowed to be angry. We are supposed to be "good girls" and forgive, let it go, etc.... Boys can be angry, can be aggressive, but we are taught it isn't "ladylike" or okay. I think many of us have to learn how to be angry and how to deal with it because we didn't get those tools as kids. We do what Star did - we stuff it. We take the abuse, we don't get "upset" esp when being angry is the most rational response to a situation. It takes some work to learn to let yourself be angry and to learn to use that anger in a healthy, productive manner. there is a great book called The Dance of Anger that you might find intersting/helpful. It also helps to learn how to express your anger appropriately rather than to wait and blow up. I was a champion yeller, grew up in a family where yelling was common, even normal, but it wasn't okay for ME to get angry. I was told not to be "dramatic" or "hysterical" or not to "over-react" and that any time I expressed anger I was "over-reacting" or irrational. Even now my mother firmly believes that anger is the only emotion I feel and taht I have no happy or positive feelings/ memories. I have accepted that NO amount of telling her positive things/happy memories/not showing anger to her will change that. I find it baffling, but have come a long way toward accepting that it is her perception and not reality - and that I don't have to work to make her "see" that I am not angry. It has taken a LOT of work to get to that point. A BIG help for me was a book called "She's Gonna Blow: Real help for Moms Dealing with Anger" by Julie Ann Barnhill. It is a "christian" based book, but I have known a lot of women of toher faiths or no faith who found it helpful. Figuring out that it was okay to be angry and how to be angry with-o letting it rule my life or take over was important. It made me a better person, mom, daughter, etc.... Anger can be a very good thing. Esp if it helps you move forward, grow, and stop tolerating abuse. [/QUOTE]
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