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Just plain angry
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsieshaye" data-source="post: 488252" data-attributes="member: 12928"><p>Susiestar, I also grew up in a very volatile home, and was not allowed to have any emotions. (Even acting happy was frowned upon if it was "too happy," and I still have this hangup that if I relax even a little, and act happy or (god forbid!) giddy, that I am being inappropriate and whoever I'm with is going to punish me with rejection. Just went through that this weekend with-my boyfriend. I couldn't understand why I became so anxious after being so relaxed and chatty with him, until I realized that I expected to be punished for it. Sigh.) Being able to express anger has for a long time been so far out of my repertoire that I literally used to shut down and almost dissociate if in a situation where I was angry. I also don't want to end up turning into my father (physically abusive and out of control), so I've learned to under-react. (I've read the Dance of Anger, and I think re-reading it is a really good idea at this point - thank you for reminding me about it!) I'm pretty sure this is why I weigh as much as I do and have the chronic health issues I do.</p><p></p><p>TL, yes, letting it help me in moving forward is what I've been trying to do. Working on me, and letting him deal with his own stuff himself. I was just taken aback at how that feels.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsieshaye, post: 488252, member: 12928"] Susiestar, I also grew up in a very volatile home, and was not allowed to have any emotions. (Even acting happy was frowned upon if it was "too happy," and I still have this hangup that if I relax even a little, and act happy or (god forbid!) giddy, that I am being inappropriate and whoever I'm with is going to punish me with rejection. Just went through that this weekend with-my boyfriend. I couldn't understand why I became so anxious after being so relaxed and chatty with him, until I realized that I expected to be punished for it. Sigh.) Being able to express anger has for a long time been so far out of my repertoire that I literally used to shut down and almost dissociate if in a situation where I was angry. I also don't want to end up turning into my father (physically abusive and out of control), so I've learned to under-react. (I've read the Dance of Anger, and I think re-reading it is a really good idea at this point - thank you for reminding me about it!) I'm pretty sure this is why I weigh as much as I do and have the chronic health issues I do. TL, yes, letting it help me in moving forward is what I've been trying to do. Working on me, and letting him deal with his own stuff himself. I was just taken aback at how that feels. [/QUOTE]
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