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Just seeking peace
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 663510" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I think the guilt and playing 'what if' are so difficult for the responsible care giver to learn to let go and control.</p><p></p><p>My adult son is so much like his bio father and that was another area of guilt for me. Most of our difficult children are manipulative and use this guilt for their advantage.</p><p></p><p>My son is involved with another difficult child just like him, maybe even worse. There has been so much drama, fights, lies, stealing, that no one in my family wants anything to do with either of them.</p><p></p><p>His sister has talked to him about counseling, medications, he won't do it. He prefers to self medicate.</p><p></p><p>He and girl friend like to threaten suicide and have drug/alcohol fueled physical fights. Both have been arrested for domestic violence and she was placed in detox for a while, he Baker Acted himself. After I have called the police a few times to check on him when he has threatened suicide he has stopped that. My counselor has helped me to deal with the fact that he may one day really commit suicide.</p><p></p><p>So you are not alone (hugs)! I can say that my life has gotten so much better when I finally understood there is nothing I can make him do and I stopped trying. I have said it all. There is always constant criticism by well meaning people (many family members) that do not understand how gut wrenching this situations is. It's easy to judge when we aren't the ones wearing the shoes and walking the thorny path.</p><p></p><p>Read all of the many books available about these children, it does help. Take care of yourself, you are the only person you can control. Set boundaries and stick to them. Counseling (if you can find a good one, that's hard too) is a huge help.</p><p></p><p>This forum is also a huge help, posting (VENT VENT VENT) will make you feel better. Find a time consuming hobby and exercise.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 663510, member: 13558"] I think the guilt and playing 'what if' are so difficult for the responsible care giver to learn to let go and control. My adult son is so much like his bio father and that was another area of guilt for me. Most of our difficult children are manipulative and use this guilt for their advantage. My son is involved with another difficult child just like him, maybe even worse. There has been so much drama, fights, lies, stealing, that no one in my family wants anything to do with either of them. His sister has talked to him about counseling, medications, he won't do it. He prefers to self medicate. He and girl friend like to threaten suicide and have drug/alcohol fueled physical fights. Both have been arrested for domestic violence and she was placed in detox for a while, he Baker Acted himself. After I have called the police a few times to check on him when he has threatened suicide he has stopped that. My counselor has helped me to deal with the fact that he may one day really commit suicide. So you are not alone (hugs)! I can say that my life has gotten so much better when I finally understood there is nothing I can make him do and I stopped trying. I have said it all. There is always constant criticism by well meaning people (many family members) that do not understand how gut wrenching this situations is. It's easy to judge when we aren't the ones wearing the shoes and walking the thorny path. Read all of the many books available about these children, it does help. Take care of yourself, you are the only person you can control. Set boundaries and stick to them. Counseling (if you can find a good one, that's hard too) is a huge help. This forum is also a huge help, posting (VENT VENT VENT) will make you feel better. Find a time consuming hobby and exercise. Wishing you peace! [/QUOTE]
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