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The Watercooler
Just stunned by my husband.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 134291" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think Linda & meowbunny said it right. You need to let it go, unless you plan to do something constructive with it. And yes, I think this is a classic denial, because it's easier for husband to think this rather than accept the really awful alternative.</p><p></p><p>You felt husband didn't support you. husband sounds like he was shellshocked. If he felt at that time that what you were saying to the judge was a major overexaggeration, then why didn't he say something to the judge in support of his son? Why didn't husband challenge you about it, call you on it either in front of the judge, or later? </p><p></p><p>husband clearly has regrets. He probably wishes you were all back together, playing happy families. In order to hold this dream he has to ignore some unpalatable truths. He also has to tell himself that difficult child was hard done by, that you were overreacting. The alternative is just too awful, his mind won't let him go there. It's easier for him to disbelieve you.</p><p></p><p>If you think there is a chance for you all, then yes, try to get some answers and come to some sort of resolution. If you feel you have moved on and need to continue to do so, then ignore this and walk away.</p><p></p><p>How do you think things would have gone, if husband had moved in with difficult child somewhere? What would have happened when husband asked difficult child if he had any homework? Was husband engaged enough for this scenario to be likely? If not, then don't engage in this rehashing of ancient history.</p><p></p><p>You sound like you have some PSD to deal with still, while husband has to deal with his guilt, preferably without dumping the whole lot of it onto you, just so he can feel his conscience is clear.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 134291, member: 1991"] I think Linda & meowbunny said it right. You need to let it go, unless you plan to do something constructive with it. And yes, I think this is a classic denial, because it's easier for husband to think this rather than accept the really awful alternative. You felt husband didn't support you. husband sounds like he was shellshocked. If he felt at that time that what you were saying to the judge was a major overexaggeration, then why didn't he say something to the judge in support of his son? Why didn't husband challenge you about it, call you on it either in front of the judge, or later? husband clearly has regrets. He probably wishes you were all back together, playing happy families. In order to hold this dream he has to ignore some unpalatable truths. He also has to tell himself that difficult child was hard done by, that you were overreacting. The alternative is just too awful, his mind won't let him go there. It's easier for him to disbelieve you. If you think there is a chance for you all, then yes, try to get some answers and come to some sort of resolution. If you feel you have moved on and need to continue to do so, then ignore this and walk away. How do you think things would have gone, if husband had moved in with difficult child somewhere? What would have happened when husband asked difficult child if he had any homework? Was husband engaged enough for this scenario to be likely? If not, then don't engage in this rehashing of ancient history. You sound like you have some PSD to deal with still, while husband has to deal with his guilt, preferably without dumping the whole lot of it onto you, just so he can feel his conscience is clear. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Just stunned by my husband.
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