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Just stunned by my husband.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 134383" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>At the time husband suggested maybe a family with separate addresses. He really really did NOT want to do this. I asked him how it would work, I would be willing to try it for a predetermined amount of time. He backed down.</p><p> </p><p>I think he does have a lot of guilt. I know I have a lot of resentment and anger. I am doing what I can to work through it. Mostly my resentment comes from the fact that husband NEVER stepped up when difficult child got violent or raged. He would take Jess and thank you into another room for their safety. If difficult child came toward them husband would move him into the room with me or a room alone. All the times difficult child hit or hurt me in a rage husband NEVER came in and helped me stop him. </p><p> </p><p>I was alone with a raging child. By age 10 or so he was so very much stronger than I was. It was very scary. </p><p> </p><p>husband always said he was afraid he would lose his temper and beat difficult child to within an inch of his life. Then deal with the aftermath of abusing his child.</p><p> </p><p>I am trying to set up couples counselling. husband will go. Not happily, but he WILL go. Mostly he is good about going if I let him know it is really important to me.</p><p> </p><p>We have done the fair fight counselling. It really does help - IF husband engages in any disagreement. Usually his response is silence. He has told me he needs to think and get back to me. I am fine with that. But he never gets back to me.</p><p> </p><p>This is probably going to be a big turning point in our marriage. I think it will work out as a better marriage. If it goes south, this may be the end. I will fight tooth and nail to save my marriage, but if husband won't engage, there won't be much hope.</p><p> </p><p>He really IS a wonderful man. I love him so very much. It makes it hard to process things. Especially when I feel so very alone.</p><p> </p><p>Any bets that this is a big part of the migraine?? I think it is. Will get shots tomorrow. And will get some relief from just processing it this much.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks everyone. Your responses are very on target, and just what I needed to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Linda, I know you have gone through the very violent times. It really helps to hear how you and husband cope with it. Thanks.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks every single one of you. I don't know what I would do without you. Over the years your help, ideas and support have meant so very much to me. And they are probably a big reason why my difficult child is doing so well. You gave me the ideas and strength to find out what really went on with him and to get the RIGHT help.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 134383, member: 1233"] At the time husband suggested maybe a family with separate addresses. He really really did NOT want to do this. I asked him how it would work, I would be willing to try it for a predetermined amount of time. He backed down. I think he does have a lot of guilt. I know I have a lot of resentment and anger. I am doing what I can to work through it. Mostly my resentment comes from the fact that husband NEVER stepped up when difficult child got violent or raged. He would take Jess and thank you into another room for their safety. If difficult child came toward them husband would move him into the room with me or a room alone. All the times difficult child hit or hurt me in a rage husband NEVER came in and helped me stop him. I was alone with a raging child. By age 10 or so he was so very much stronger than I was. It was very scary. husband always said he was afraid he would lose his temper and beat difficult child to within an inch of his life. Then deal with the aftermath of abusing his child. I am trying to set up couples counselling. husband will go. Not happily, but he WILL go. Mostly he is good about going if I let him know it is really important to me. We have done the fair fight counselling. It really does help - IF husband engages in any disagreement. Usually his response is silence. He has told me he needs to think and get back to me. I am fine with that. But he never gets back to me. This is probably going to be a big turning point in our marriage. I think it will work out as a better marriage. If it goes south, this may be the end. I will fight tooth and nail to save my marriage, but if husband won't engage, there won't be much hope. He really IS a wonderful man. I love him so very much. It makes it hard to process things. Especially when I feel so very alone. Any bets that this is a big part of the migraine?? I think it is. Will get shots tomorrow. And will get some relief from just processing it this much. Thanks everyone. Your responses are very on target, and just what I needed to hear. Linda, I know you have gone through the very violent times. It really helps to hear how you and husband cope with it. Thanks. Thanks every single one of you. I don't know what I would do without you. Over the years your help, ideas and support have meant so very much to me. And they are probably a big reason why my difficult child is doing so well. You gave me the ideas and strength to find out what really went on with him and to get the RIGHT help. Hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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