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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 355984" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I have kind of done that mentally, Marg. I have zero faith in the idea of difficult child coming home in 2 weeks, me getting us on the waiting list at mental health, and this making the "big" difference. I would absolutely hate the idea of difficult child going to my bro due to fears of molestation either by my bro or by someone invited to an all night party- it's really not an environment appropriate for a teen, not to mention that my bro is clueless about how to raise a easy child much less a difficult child. If difficult child went back to Department of Juvenile Justice now it would only be for a few months. If he is "given one more chance" and reoffends, it could be long term- especially if it's due to violence on me, even if that occurred after coming home from outpatient family therapy. Foster care somewhere else is not an option - neither is Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They are telling me it isn't available. I know that's not completely true but if they won't recommend it, it isn't an option for difficult child. </p><p></p><p>I find it odd that PO had tried to get the two of us on the same page, then he's the one that changed and said no, he wouldn't recommend difficult child coming out on the program with an ankle bracelet. We needed to be harsher and make sure difficult child understood we sould stand behind waht we said and that he knew we were working together, according to PO and my agreement. Then, he turned around and said difficult child could come out of detention and go to a therapist as a last chance without even mentioning this to me and knowing that it would mean our public dept and that is the only thing I said I would not do. </p><p></p><p>It isn't that I think my son is hopeless so I'm throwing in the towel on him. I think he has/had a slight chance of being reached and some mental health treatment being effective- but the juvenile justice system here would not and will not support, allow, or go along with the recommendations of the best psychiatrists in this state (3 of them) so that difficult child can get this- yet they continuously try to force us into outpatient where tdocs are not that effective and of course, a therapist in an outpatient setting is a lot less effective than in a good intensive therapeutic setting anyway.</p><p></p><p>This jurisdiction prides itself on having the best population, schools, etc. I used to think I wanted us to live here because of that but I have learned (even a Special Education attny told me) that due to this reputation, the jurisdiction does not put funds into helping kids at sd's thru IEP's or in Department of Juvenile Justice because it isn't their priority and because if they did, the more "undesirables" would move here and ruin the good reputation. So between what local taxpayers want and the desire to keep undesirables out, it is designed to drive people out when their kids have issues.</p><p></p><p>This is why I probably come across as paranoid about custody and so forth sometimes- it isn't that I think people over there are sitting around plotting against me. It's that I think they don't really care about what is in difficult child's best interest and honestly, as a 20 some yo attny with no kids, even if you cared, could you possibly understand what was in his best interest? And they are over booked and rushing to think of a solution and used to working in the system so they grab something out of the hat without reading the record or talking with profs or thinking things thru, then blame the parent who says "I don't think this is in my child's best interest".</p><p></p><p>I would go to difficult child's court and tell the judge what I think is in his best interest and why, except that when it's the kid with charges and not the parent, the parent isn't allowed to give their opinion or side of things. One of the attnys can put a parent on the stand and ask what they want, then remove the parent from the stand and throw out all kids of false or twisted accusations but the parent can't address that at all- which is exactly what happened before. </p><p></p><p>Over and over again I see these situations where they (attnys and PO's) decide what they want and what they are willing to use funding for for difficult child, then change manipulate, even lie to make that look like the most reasonable option for the judge to order. I feel like I am watching them destroy my son</p><p>My throwing in the towel wouldn't be because I think my son is hopeless even though he obviously is treading on that line. It would be because I think the system's way is killing or already has killed the best chance difficult child had.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 355984, member: 3699"] I have kind of done that mentally, Marg. I have zero faith in the idea of difficult child coming home in 2 weeks, me getting us on the waiting list at mental health, and this making the "big" difference. I would absolutely hate the idea of difficult child going to my bro due to fears of molestation either by my bro or by someone invited to an all night party- it's really not an environment appropriate for a teen, not to mention that my bro is clueless about how to raise a easy child much less a difficult child. If difficult child went back to Department of Juvenile Justice now it would only be for a few months. If he is "given one more chance" and reoffends, it could be long term- especially if it's due to violence on me, even if that occurred after coming home from outpatient family therapy. Foster care somewhere else is not an option - neither is Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They are telling me it isn't available. I know that's not completely true but if they won't recommend it, it isn't an option for difficult child. I find it odd that PO had tried to get the two of us on the same page, then he's the one that changed and said no, he wouldn't recommend difficult child coming out on the program with an ankle bracelet. We needed to be harsher and make sure difficult child understood we sould stand behind waht we said and that he knew we were working together, according to PO and my agreement. Then, he turned around and said difficult child could come out of detention and go to a therapist as a last chance without even mentioning this to me and knowing that it would mean our public dept and that is the only thing I said I would not do. It isn't that I think my son is hopeless so I'm throwing in the towel on him. I think he has/had a slight chance of being reached and some mental health treatment being effective- but the juvenile justice system here would not and will not support, allow, or go along with the recommendations of the best psychiatrists in this state (3 of them) so that difficult child can get this- yet they continuously try to force us into outpatient where tdocs are not that effective and of course, a therapist in an outpatient setting is a lot less effective than in a good intensive therapeutic setting anyway. This jurisdiction prides itself on having the best population, schools, etc. I used to think I wanted us to live here because of that but I have learned (even a Special Education attny told me) that due to this reputation, the jurisdiction does not put funds into helping kids at sd's thru IEP's or in Department of Juvenile Justice because it isn't their priority and because if they did, the more "undesirables" would move here and ruin the good reputation. So between what local taxpayers want and the desire to keep undesirables out, it is designed to drive people out when their kids have issues. This is why I probably come across as paranoid about custody and so forth sometimes- it isn't that I think people over there are sitting around plotting against me. It's that I think they don't really care about what is in difficult child's best interest and honestly, as a 20 some yo attny with no kids, even if you cared, could you possibly understand what was in his best interest? And they are over booked and rushing to think of a solution and used to working in the system so they grab something out of the hat without reading the record or talking with profs or thinking things thru, then blame the parent who says "I don't think this is in my child's best interest". I would go to difficult child's court and tell the judge what I think is in his best interest and why, except that when it's the kid with charges and not the parent, the parent isn't allowed to give their opinion or side of things. One of the attnys can put a parent on the stand and ask what they want, then remove the parent from the stand and throw out all kids of false or twisted accusations but the parent can't address that at all- which is exactly what happened before. Over and over again I see these situations where they (attnys and PO's) decide what they want and what they are willing to use funding for for difficult child, then change manipulate, even lie to make that look like the most reasonable option for the judge to order. I feel like I am watching them destroy my son My throwing in the towel wouldn't be because I think my son is hopeless even though he obviously is treading on that line. It would be because I think the system's way is killing or already has killed the best chance difficult child had. [/QUOTE]
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