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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 356146" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I don't know, Ladies. I'm sitting here right now debating on whether or not to go to tonight's visitation. I didn't go last weekend. The PO said when he saw difficult child right after being put in detention, difficult child was talking non-stop about all he'd done and that he was planning on laying out of school again if he hadn't been arrested and how much he wanted to do drugs. Now, if PO wasn't exagerrating to manipulate me into agreement for his real plan- which is obviously a lot different than what he'd led me to believe- I see this as indicating one of three things- 1) difficult child really is BiPolar (BP) and is experiencing hypomania or mania, 2) difficult child is just showing how well he copes in high-stress situations and this is somehow a cry for help or strong indicator of bigger issues he has that need to be resolved, or 3) difficult child really doesn't give a hoot and is always just going to do what he wants and manipulate others into thinking he cares long enough to get something he wants. The whole idea behind the psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was to get difficult child all the medications (that weren't working) and get that question answered- plan B of course was for this to happen in Department of Juvenile Justice. Unfortunately, by the time we get thru this process, difficult child wouldn't get back to the same facility until months from now. I think it would be best for the same profs there to see him and let them tell us if this is a major change in him- or can he control it and behave wonderfully just like he had been doing, at his own will. But again, it doesn't seem to matter what the parent thinks is in the kid's best interest. I had asked PO and def attny to just look at time periods difficult child was always arrested- he's always this way this time of year and then a pretty good (or reasonable ) kid the other times of year- at least for the few years prior to going to Department of Juvenile Justice. They have both told me they didn't have time to look at that. That made me think they didn't really believe there was any MI- this was an excuse. Then, they are now pushing for this treatment- I swear I don't think it has to do with anything other than covering their rears.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The pecking order here in the juvenile courts works like this- 1) the judge, 2) the other courts people there, 3) other local agencies (sd, mental health, dss), 3) state agencies, 4) community, 5) parent of delinquent, 6) delinquent. And that oorderis exactly the order of priority and consideration they give when making decisions and deciding how to treat people. </p><p></p><p>It is very difficult for me right now to have faith in difficult child or in the system and I can't control either one and just feel like giving up- seriously, I wonder why I am even there other than to be used and blamed by both. I felt like such a scapegoat today that I googled the word- I don't know why it just kept sticking in my mind and I kept relating it back to my dysfunctional family. I had thought it was only common in dysfunctional families but I found a few interesting articles about how it is common in several environments. Ironically enough, it is also common in court systems and mental health relationships. Well, that explains a lot. That led to looking up "the drama triangle" and what to do about it to stop this pattern. So, I am comfortable now that I need to quit letting them put me in this role and if I change and not be their doormat, it forces the other players to change. That is what I want to do because this isn't working and I have always felt it is dysfunctional. It might not be that way in all courts- it might be something that stemmed from office politics in this particular court, I don't know. But, the last article I read gave a couple of suggestions that I will mull over. I might skip a court date but that isn't necessarily turning me back on difficult child. I'll just see how things go.</p><p></p><p>You know the drill- I just have to keep reminding myself to act, not react; put my own mental health and my child's best interest first; don't bite into their manipulative tactics and keep dysfunction going; etc.</p><p></p><p>And some of this depends on what others have done between now and then- difficult child and def attny and PO. by the way- neither returned my call today either so I feel sure they are wrapped up in some deal (def attny told me they are talking and he portrayed it like they are very close- on a first name basis, etc) and then trying to get me to buy into it or I'll be reamed. My gut feeling, especially after reading these articles today is that I am being made the scapegoat (typical for parents involved in "systems", apparently) in order to cover up that others dropped the ball. It isn't always intentional- but once one person does it, it almost becomes automatic for others near that person to do it until one person starts handling things differently. Again, the article gave some pointers that I will mull over.</p><p></p><p>You can be sure though, they don't want me saying anything more than they can keep close control over- like putting me on the stand prior to attacking me so I can never respond to anything they are accusing me of later. It's all strategy. And it's not because they care about difficult child. It's because they don't care but they have to make it look like they do to the judge because they know they have a warrior mom, so that's why I'm being discredited on the offense.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 356146, member: 3699"] I don't know, Ladies. I'm sitting here right now debating on whether or not to go to tonight's visitation. I didn't go last weekend. The PO said when he saw difficult child right after being put in detention, difficult child was talking non-stop about all he'd done and that he was planning on laying out of school again if he hadn't been arrested and how much he wanted to do drugs. Now, if PO wasn't exagerrating to manipulate me into agreement for his real plan- which is obviously a lot different than what he'd led me to believe- I see this as indicating one of three things- 1) difficult child really is BiPolar (BP) and is experiencing hypomania or mania, 2) difficult child is just showing how well he copes in high-stress situations and this is somehow a cry for help or strong indicator of bigger issues he has that need to be resolved, or 3) difficult child really doesn't give a hoot and is always just going to do what he wants and manipulate others into thinking he cares long enough to get something he wants. The whole idea behind the psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was to get difficult child all the medications (that weren't working) and get that question answered- plan B of course was for this to happen in Department of Juvenile Justice. Unfortunately, by the time we get thru this process, difficult child wouldn't get back to the same facility until months from now. I think it would be best for the same profs there to see him and let them tell us if this is a major change in him- or can he control it and behave wonderfully just like he had been doing, at his own will. But again, it doesn't seem to matter what the parent thinks is in the kid's best interest. I had asked PO and def attny to just look at time periods difficult child was always arrested- he's always this way this time of year and then a pretty good (or reasonable ) kid the other times of year- at least for the few years prior to going to Department of Juvenile Justice. They have both told me they didn't have time to look at that. That made me think they didn't really believe there was any MI- this was an excuse. Then, they are now pushing for this treatment- I swear I don't think it has to do with anything other than covering their rears. The pecking order here in the juvenile courts works like this- 1) the judge, 2) the other courts people there, 3) other local agencies (sd, mental health, dss), 3) state agencies, 4) community, 5) parent of delinquent, 6) delinquent. And that oorderis exactly the order of priority and consideration they give when making decisions and deciding how to treat people. It is very difficult for me right now to have faith in difficult child or in the system and I can't control either one and just feel like giving up- seriously, I wonder why I am even there other than to be used and blamed by both. I felt like such a scapegoat today that I googled the word- I don't know why it just kept sticking in my mind and I kept relating it back to my dysfunctional family. I had thought it was only common in dysfunctional families but I found a few interesting articles about how it is common in several environments. Ironically enough, it is also common in court systems and mental health relationships. Well, that explains a lot. That led to looking up "the drama triangle" and what to do about it to stop this pattern. So, I am comfortable now that I need to quit letting them put me in this role and if I change and not be their doormat, it forces the other players to change. That is what I want to do because this isn't working and I have always felt it is dysfunctional. It might not be that way in all courts- it might be something that stemmed from office politics in this particular court, I don't know. But, the last article I read gave a couple of suggestions that I will mull over. I might skip a court date but that isn't necessarily turning me back on difficult child. I'll just see how things go. You know the drill- I just have to keep reminding myself to act, not react; put my own mental health and my child's best interest first; don't bite into their manipulative tactics and keep dysfunction going; etc. And some of this depends on what others have done between now and then- difficult child and def attny and PO. by the way- neither returned my call today either so I feel sure they are wrapped up in some deal (def attny told me they are talking and he portrayed it like they are very close- on a first name basis, etc) and then trying to get me to buy into it or I'll be reamed. My gut feeling, especially after reading these articles today is that I am being made the scapegoat (typical for parents involved in "systems", apparently) in order to cover up that others dropped the ball. It isn't always intentional- but once one person does it, it almost becomes automatic for others near that person to do it until one person starts handling things differently. Again, the article gave some pointers that I will mull over. You can be sure though, they don't want me saying anything more than they can keep close control over- like putting me on the stand prior to attacking me so I can never respond to anything they are accusing me of later. It's all strategy. And it's not because they care about difficult child. It's because they don't care but they have to make it look like they do to the judge because they know they have a warrior mom, so that's why I'm being discredited on the offense. [/QUOTE]
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