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kaboom!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 119129" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>The first question is do you think she can control her rages? If so, then you make the price of a rage too high. If not, then you find what she needs to help her control them and leave consequences out of the picutre.</p><p> </p><p>Dara, you know your daughter best. Can you think of any way you could stop her from raging when you tell her she can't have her way? My gut says no. So, the thing isn't to plan to avoid a rage but rather plan for a way to make the rage as controlled as possible. Maybe telling her in public would help? I know with mine, she would not rage in front of others, but she would still rage as soon as she got home. The only advantage would be the raging wasn't immediate and, on very rare occasions, it would be a little milder.</p><p> </p><p>I'd just try to clean out her room before she had the rage -- whether controlled or uncontrolled. </p><p> </p><p>If controlled, I'd have some very specific consequences in place. (Mine could -- she was once crying, screaming, throwing hysterically; the doorbell rang and she immediately stopped; salesman left, she started right where she had left off -- she was 13.) Let her know exactly what will happen if she destroys any property that is not hers. She destroys hers, no problem -- it is just not replaced.</p><p> </p><p>If it is uncontrolled, maybe you could get her to help you remove things from her room she values so that they don't get destroyed. In the process, remove other things for her own protection. Do not make it a punitive thing and do leave things where she can access them. </p><p> </p><p>Mine started to quit raging when the price became too high for her -- no new clothes because she'd destroyed hers. Mattress on the floor because she broke her frame. Underwear, etc. in cardboard boxes because she'd wrecked her dresser. Plywood over her window to save it from destruction. All of her "fun" stuff removed and put in storage, some of it pulled out and sold to pay for my personal stuff being destroyed. It took a good 6 months and escalating behavior at first, but it did finally work. She wanted to have friends over but no way was she going to have them in her room with nothing there, especially since I would let her friends know exactly why it was the way it was.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 119129, member: 3626"] The first question is do you think she can control her rages? If so, then you make the price of a rage too high. If not, then you find what she needs to help her control them and leave consequences out of the picutre. Dara, you know your daughter best. Can you think of any way you could stop her from raging when you tell her she can't have her way? My gut says no. So, the thing isn't to plan to avoid a rage but rather plan for a way to make the rage as controlled as possible. Maybe telling her in public would help? I know with mine, she would not rage in front of others, but she would still rage as soon as she got home. The only advantage would be the raging wasn't immediate and, on very rare occasions, it would be a little milder. I'd just try to clean out her room before she had the rage -- whether controlled or uncontrolled. If controlled, I'd have some very specific consequences in place. (Mine could -- she was once crying, screaming, throwing hysterically; the doorbell rang and she immediately stopped; salesman left, she started right where she had left off -- she was 13.) Let her know exactly what will happen if she destroys any property that is not hers. She destroys hers, no problem -- it is just not replaced. If it is uncontrolled, maybe you could get her to help you remove things from her room she values so that they don't get destroyed. In the process, remove other things for her own protection. Do not make it a punitive thing and do leave things where she can access them. Mine started to quit raging when the price became too high for her -- no new clothes because she'd destroyed hers. Mattress on the floor because she broke her frame. Underwear, etc. in cardboard boxes because she'd wrecked her dresser. Plywood over her window to save it from destruction. All of her "fun" stuff removed and put in storage, some of it pulled out and sold to pay for my personal stuff being destroyed. It took a good 6 months and escalating behavior at first, but it did finally work. She wanted to have friends over but no way was she going to have them in her room with nothing there, especially since I would let her friends know exactly why it was the way it was. [/QUOTE]
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