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kaboom!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 119249" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Well, it sounds like my son is a carbon copy of your daughter. He rages and destroys to gain control - but he also rages if he is hit with a consequence or piece of news without a lead in. If I am going to change the environment in our house, I have to do it very slowly, and with a lot of "introductory talks", if that makes sense. For instance we went through this cruddy period of time, just a little while back, where he refused to remove his computer from the coffee table in the living room. I laid down the lay, consequences, etc - I did everything the books tell you to - but he was locked so deep into his own opposition, he would not have cared if I set the house on fire, he was going to keep the computer where it was.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px">So I switched gears. I started talking to him everyday, for a week, about how the computer was going to be moved. I had his dad talk to him, and others that could influence. I then announced that I was also having the house painted, and of course he would not want the computer in the living room to maybe get paint on it? Right? I just gently chipped away at it, until I had basically wedged the fact into his brain this thing was going to happen. Then, we decided on the day it was to be moved, and his dad came and helped, and it was moved.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px">I know that your situation is more serious - but I still would approach it the same way. Slowly and gently. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px">"Daughter, you are not going to go with X, you know that. This is just not gonna happen."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px">And then leave the subject for a day. If she starts getting upset or arguing just ignore her, because you still have time on your side. Then the next day bring it up again - and this time, in another moment, maybe bring up a story you heard on the news about teen pregnancy, or HIV, or some other teen stat about girls who have ended up where your daughter is wanting to head. Do not connect the dots for her, that you are worried this is where she may end up, just give her neutral info. And finally, when the moment of wanting to go with X arrives, you are prepared to simply reinforce what you have already been telling her for 2 weeks.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Does that make sense? Sorry it is so long. Just hard to put in a nutshell. Good luck!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 119249, member: 3301"] [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=2]Well, it sounds like my son is a carbon copy of your daughter. He rages and destroys to gain control - but he also rages if he is hit with a consequence or piece of news without a lead in. If I am going to change the environment in our house, I have to do it very slowly, and with a lot of "introductory talks", if that makes sense. For instance we went through this cruddy period of time, just a little while back, where he refused to remove his computer from the coffee table in the living room. I laid down the lay, consequences, etc - I did everything the books tell you to - but he was locked so deep into his own opposition, he would not have cared if I set the house on fire, he was going to keep the computer where it was. So I switched gears. I started talking to him everyday, for a week, about how the computer was going to be moved. I had his dad talk to him, and others that could influence. I then announced that I was also having the house painted, and of course he would not want the computer in the living room to maybe get paint on it? Right? I just gently chipped away at it, until I had basically wedged the fact into his brain this thing was going to happen. Then, we decided on the day it was to be moved, and his dad came and helped, and it was moved. I know that your situation is more serious - but I still would approach it the same way. Slowly and gently. "Daughter, you are not going to go with X, you know that. This is just not gonna happen." And then leave the subject for a day. If she starts getting upset or arguing just ignore her, because you still have time on your side. Then the next day bring it up again - and this time, in another moment, maybe bring up a story you heard on the news about teen pregnancy, or HIV, or some other teen stat about girls who have ended up where your daughter is wanting to head. Do not connect the dots for her, that you are worried this is where she may end up, just give her neutral info. And finally, when the moment of wanting to go with X arrives, you are prepared to simply reinforce what you have already been telling her for 2 weeks. Does that make sense? Sorry it is so long. Just hard to put in a nutshell. Good luck! [/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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