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KarenB
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 151423" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>FWIW, this strategy didn't work for my son either. From what I gather now, it is because other things were going on with him, so for one thing, punishing him for lack of control was never really TEACHING him HOW to be in control; for another thing, when he was in a period of doing things like this, he could lose all priviledges so quickly that if I were going to stick to that method, I would have no choice but to never give them back or kick him out of the house. This is when I decided that the strategy was not accomplishing my objective. Some strategies work for some kids but not for others...</p><p></p><p>Still, for typical misbehavior (that is in the normal range of other kids his age), my discipline is based on "if you abuse the priviledge, you lose the priveledge" (temporarily). For instance, if he doesn't return from riding his bike on time, he might lose his bike for a couple of days, or whatever. If he's stealing, breaking the law, etc., then we are in a different league and something is clearly not right so the strategies have become very different- first, he has to pay it back or otherwise make restitution and then depending on what it is, other things are oput in place. With my difficult child, this behavior comes with other signs of instability (that are not behavior oriented), so I know medications and everything need to be reviewed.</p><p></p><p>A big mistake that I used to make- (like there has only been one LOL) - if difficult child did well and I had promised him a reward, then he had a "bad day" or got in trouble at school or something, I would say, "then you just undid all the good you did and you no longer get the reward". That is a bad thing to do, I have learned, so I had to stop that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 151423, member: 3699"] FWIW, this strategy didn't work for my son either. From what I gather now, it is because other things were going on with him, so for one thing, punishing him for lack of control was never really TEACHING him HOW to be in control; for another thing, when he was in a period of doing things like this, he could lose all priviledges so quickly that if I were going to stick to that method, I would have no choice but to never give them back or kick him out of the house. This is when I decided that the strategy was not accomplishing my objective. Some strategies work for some kids but not for others... Still, for typical misbehavior (that is in the normal range of other kids his age), my discipline is based on "if you abuse the priviledge, you lose the priveledge" (temporarily). For instance, if he doesn't return from riding his bike on time, he might lose his bike for a couple of days, or whatever. If he's stealing, breaking the law, etc., then we are in a different league and something is clearly not right so the strategies have become very different- first, he has to pay it back or otherwise make restitution and then depending on what it is, other things are oput in place. With my difficult child, this behavior comes with other signs of instability (that are not behavior oriented), so I know medications and everything need to be reviewed. A big mistake that I used to make- (like there has only been one LOL) - if difficult child did well and I had promised him a reward, then he had a "bad day" or got in trouble at school or something, I would say, "then you just undid all the good you did and you no longer get the reward". That is a bad thing to do, I have learned, so I had to stop that. [/QUOTE]
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