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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 205381"><p>I would guess it would depend on how he looked at the question. Did he look at it as it would pertain to him or someone else? Our manipulative kids are very good at holding everyone else *but* themselves accountable.</p><p></p><p>I have spent a lot of time with my daughter trying to determine what is EFD, what is manipulation, what is this, what is that and I've come to a similar place as you. The result is the same. My child, while only 13, is completely resistant to helping herself. As my mother has said for years, "She is so headstrong in her own self-defeat." If she refuses to use the tools she's been taught and refuses to hold herself accountable, the result will always be the same. </p><p></p><p>I'm tired of trying to determine what is what and how to address this. I am still learning about different techniques and understandings, but the bottom line is that she has to be able to function in society and in order to do that she has to be a willing participant in changing her behavior. Whether that's through interventions for EFD or behavior mod, it's not going to matter if she's not participating. Until she gets to the point where she is willing to help herself and to accept the help and tools provided, I'm addressing the behaviors and not considering where they are coming from. Anything else is an exercise in futility. Good, bad, or otherwise that's where I'm at right now. I am no longer willing to tolerate the entire family suffering because she refuses to help herself and unleashes her fury on us all.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to hijack your thread, but your post really got me thinking. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow. Sounds like you're going to need the rhino skin.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 205381"] I would guess it would depend on how he looked at the question. Did he look at it as it would pertain to him or someone else? Our manipulative kids are very good at holding everyone else *but* themselves accountable. I have spent a lot of time with my daughter trying to determine what is EFD, what is manipulation, what is this, what is that and I've come to a similar place as you. The result is the same. My child, while only 13, is completely resistant to helping herself. As my mother has said for years, "She is so headstrong in her own self-defeat." If she refuses to use the tools she's been taught and refuses to hold herself accountable, the result will always be the same. I'm tired of trying to determine what is what and how to address this. I am still learning about different techniques and understandings, but the bottom line is that she has to be able to function in society and in order to do that she has to be a willing participant in changing her behavior. Whether that's through interventions for EFD or behavior mod, it's not going to matter if she's not participating. Until she gets to the point where she is willing to help herself and to accept the help and tools provided, I'm addressing the behaviors and not considering where they are coming from. Anything else is an exercise in futility. Good, bad, or otherwise that's where I'm at right now. I am no longer willing to tolerate the entire family suffering because she refuses to help herself and unleashes her fury on us all. Sorry to hijack your thread, but your post really got me thinking. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow. Sounds like you're going to need the rhino skin. [/QUOTE]
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