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General Parenting
Kids' dad is putting ideas in their heads and it makes me nervous.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 529381" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs))))) I know this is scary, but your ex is trying to intimidate you into doing what he wants. He has to know he has very little chance of succeeding in court.</p><p></p><p>First of all, empower your daughter to know that at 14yo, most states will let her CHOOSE which parent to live with unless one parent is proven unfit. So she does NOT have to go live with him unless she is not able to tell a judge that she wants to stay with you AND he can somehow PROVE that you are unfit.</p><p></p><p>Having a mental illness does NOT make you an unfit parent. Heck, my exsil still has equal parenting with my bro and she is bipolar, bulimic, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), alcoholic, and an opiate and sex addict. She has NEVER had more than 4mos of sobriety in the decade she has known my brother - and that includes when she was preg with my niece. It is only by the grace of God that niece does not have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). She does have problems from her mother's opiate use during pregnancy. She routinely lets niece wander miles from home unsupervised while she is passed out from her drugs. But that isn't enough to get custody revoked. Even her use of substances around niece and having been PROVEN to have given niece opiates to put her to sleep when exsil didn't want to deal with her didn't get rights revoked. No 8yo should pop positive for oxycodone unless they have had surgery or a major injury. Niece hasn't, but she did pop positive on a test run after she complained to my bro that her mom made her take pills that made her too sleepy. Heck, exsil takes her to school 1-2hrs late and picks her up 1-2 hrs early EVERY DAY that she has niece - unless she forgets and doesn't pick her up or take her to school at all. When she forgets to pick her up, seh won't answer the phone and my folks end up with niece no matter what they had planned.</p><p></p><p>But NONE of that, and not even total refusal of medications to treat her mental illness, are enough to revoke her shared parenting rights. </p><p></p><p>You are taking medications to deal with your health issues, so they CANNOT be used against you. You are where the kids WANT to be. Ex has never wanted the kids before this. they would have to change schools and everything and I am willing to bet that any decent therapist would say that this is harmful to them. So get their psychiatrists/tdocs to write that down.</p><p></p><p>Cps has been involved. they did NOT take custody from you or find you unfit, so getting someone to say you are unfit will be dang hard. If cps has already found you fit, why would you now be unfit? It won't happen. </p><p></p><p>So stop letting him and his new wife scare you. Start empowering your children. Encourage them to tell their fears to the school guidance counselor. WHY are they afraid of stepmom? What has she done to scare them? what has dad done to scare them? Get them to tell this to their teachers/guidance counselor/therapist/psychiatrist. It may start a cps investigation of EX AND STEPMOM. That sure would put a stop to the custody stuff, esp as it isn't you making the report. Sit and openly explain to the kids that if they are willing to stand up for themselves, then they have a lot of power in this situation AT THIS TIME. But they MUST tell someone other than you WHY they are so afraid of stepmom and of daddy. </p><p></p><p>I am willing to bet that stepmom has at least threatened them if not actually done something abusive to them. You don't get a scared difficult child with-o something pretty serious. If they can tell an adult other than you this, it is a big ace in the hole. </p><p></p><p>Your husband is doing a lot to get out of being ordered to pay child support. If he can afford a new house, there is NO way he is going to get a hardship claim through the courts. He WILL end up paying more than the measly amt he offered you. He knows this. He is using the threat of custody change to get you to back down on the child support claim. He is full of himself, and I doubt a decent atty would support what he is doing. I know that our family atty would kick his tushie from here to Tues two weeks from now, and meet him then to knock his block off. </p><p></p><p>You need to get an answering machine that will allow you to record ALL phone calls with him. Sooner or later he or his wife will slip up and say something bad. You also need to start documenting EVERYTHING he does/says, esp things that upset the kids. Just start a log with date, time and what he did or said. Document EVERYTHING. Heck, get school to let you know if he has called or done anything there to mess with what is going on with the kids. </p><p></p><p>You are smarter than he is, and a much better parent. Don't let him play you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 529381, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) I know this is scary, but your ex is trying to intimidate you into doing what he wants. He has to know he has very little chance of succeeding in court. First of all, empower your daughter to know that at 14yo, most states will let her CHOOSE which parent to live with unless one parent is proven unfit. So she does NOT have to go live with him unless she is not able to tell a judge that she wants to stay with you AND he can somehow PROVE that you are unfit. Having a mental illness does NOT make you an unfit parent. Heck, my exsil still has equal parenting with my bro and she is bipolar, bulimic, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), alcoholic, and an opiate and sex addict. She has NEVER had more than 4mos of sobriety in the decade she has known my brother - and that includes when she was preg with my niece. It is only by the grace of God that niece does not have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). She does have problems from her mother's opiate use during pregnancy. She routinely lets niece wander miles from home unsupervised while she is passed out from her drugs. But that isn't enough to get custody revoked. Even her use of substances around niece and having been PROVEN to have given niece opiates to put her to sleep when exsil didn't want to deal with her didn't get rights revoked. No 8yo should pop positive for oxycodone unless they have had surgery or a major injury. Niece hasn't, but she did pop positive on a test run after she complained to my bro that her mom made her take pills that made her too sleepy. Heck, exsil takes her to school 1-2hrs late and picks her up 1-2 hrs early EVERY DAY that she has niece - unless she forgets and doesn't pick her up or take her to school at all. When she forgets to pick her up, seh won't answer the phone and my folks end up with niece no matter what they had planned. But NONE of that, and not even total refusal of medications to treat her mental illness, are enough to revoke her shared parenting rights. You are taking medications to deal with your health issues, so they CANNOT be used against you. You are where the kids WANT to be. Ex has never wanted the kids before this. they would have to change schools and everything and I am willing to bet that any decent therapist would say that this is harmful to them. So get their psychiatrists/tdocs to write that down. Cps has been involved. they did NOT take custody from you or find you unfit, so getting someone to say you are unfit will be dang hard. If cps has already found you fit, why would you now be unfit? It won't happen. So stop letting him and his new wife scare you. Start empowering your children. Encourage them to tell their fears to the school guidance counselor. WHY are they afraid of stepmom? What has she done to scare them? what has dad done to scare them? Get them to tell this to their teachers/guidance counselor/therapist/psychiatrist. It may start a cps investigation of EX AND STEPMOM. That sure would put a stop to the custody stuff, esp as it isn't you making the report. Sit and openly explain to the kids that if they are willing to stand up for themselves, then they have a lot of power in this situation AT THIS TIME. But they MUST tell someone other than you WHY they are so afraid of stepmom and of daddy. I am willing to bet that stepmom has at least threatened them if not actually done something abusive to them. You don't get a scared difficult child with-o something pretty serious. If they can tell an adult other than you this, it is a big ace in the hole. Your husband is doing a lot to get out of being ordered to pay child support. If he can afford a new house, there is NO way he is going to get a hardship claim through the courts. He WILL end up paying more than the measly amt he offered you. He knows this. He is using the threat of custody change to get you to back down on the child support claim. He is full of himself, and I doubt a decent atty would support what he is doing. I know that our family atty would kick his tushie from here to Tues two weeks from now, and meet him then to knock his block off. You need to get an answering machine that will allow you to record ALL phone calls with him. Sooner or later he or his wife will slip up and say something bad. You also need to start documenting EVERYTHING he does/says, esp things that upset the kids. Just start a log with date, time and what he did or said. Document EVERYTHING. Heck, get school to let you know if he has called or done anything there to mess with what is going on with the kids. You are smarter than he is, and a much better parent. Don't let him play you. [/QUOTE]
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Kids' dad is putting ideas in their heads and it makes me nervous.
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