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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 739404" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Looking, there are so many similarities with our stories. The paternal grandparents may be related to your grandsons, if not by blood, by actions.</p><p>Not on the same page at all. I used to get calls from daughters boyfriend’s aunty, telling me how abusive her brother in law (grandfather) was to his wife, her sister. My daughter would go back and forth because they allowed pot smoking and partying. We were more strict and expected the parents to work and care for their children.</p><p>Proceed as normal. Yup that was them. Domestic violence is generational.</p><p>How can I allow my grands to live with them? But, what else can I do? I am not able, or even willing to take on that responsibility. My grands actually prefer to live with them, and for the most part, it seems that things have calmed a bit with their grandparents age. I have encouraged them to seek counseling for my grandchildren, who are a bit wild, due to their upbringing and chaotic, dramatic experiences with their parents. This falls on deaf ears. I try to impress upon the kids that they do not have to follow in their parents footsteps, that they should do well in school and stay away from drugs. I hope and pray for them, that they make good choices.</p><p>I stand by my promise to my son, that I will not be rescue grandma, that I will provide a safe and stable home for him. Lord knows he has been through enough, and like your daughter, has used the bad experiences to lift himself to seek better. He has always been an old soul, responsible and thoughtful.</p><p>My daughter has no other family here that would take her in. Before she was homeless, I found out that a couple, former drug users, had taken her in to try to help her. She ended up sneaking out in the night to party.</p><p>I urged her before that, to seek a dv shelter, that she would get help there for herself and her children. I was cognizant of the fact that all those years of “rescuing” her, to our own detriment, did not help her. It was just too easy for her to remain the same. She cared not what it did to her own family, or her children for that matter. Looking back, I am astounded by the things we put up with and remorseful that my son witnessed what he did. It was, and is <em>completely unacceptable</em>. My son has awful memories of his nephews, invading his privacy, fighting, breaking his toys, completely disrespecting him. It was utter chaos. Not fair to him. He loves them, but is tired of the drama. My grands grew up watching their parents fight over the most trivial things. It is not their fault, but they are the same. Sibling rivalry can’t even begin to describe it. When they are here, it takes a while for them to calm down and be peaceful. There is this frenzied energy about them, reminiscent of their parents. I suspect that same energy flows through their living conditions with their grandparents. Ugh.</p><p>We are the strange ones, wanting peace and quiet, respect for one another and manners.</p><p>I am the same. Write it out. I get it. I have written reams here. (Sorry guys) but it helps to get the toxic stuff out. Whether or not people read all of it, we all get it, how absolutely absurd and hard it is to be on this journey. I wish my daughters would wake up and find their true potential. It has been a rough ride for all of us. My other children have pulled way back. I take my cue from them, and my parents, who would not have gone to the extremes I did.</p><p> I am learning, folks here have been so supportive. I am grateful for the help, and for those who have walked a mile in my shoes and understand the pain of it. It is amazing that our stories are so similar. </p><p>You matter, your husband and young daughter matter. That is where your focus needs to be. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 739404, member: 19522"] Looking, there are so many similarities with our stories. The paternal grandparents may be related to your grandsons, if not by blood, by actions. Not on the same page at all. I used to get calls from daughters boyfriend’s aunty, telling me how abusive her brother in law (grandfather) was to his wife, her sister. My daughter would go back and forth because they allowed pot smoking and partying. We were more strict and expected the parents to work and care for their children. Proceed as normal. Yup that was them. Domestic violence is generational. How can I allow my grands to live with them? But, what else can I do? I am not able, or even willing to take on that responsibility. My grands actually prefer to live with them, and for the most part, it seems that things have calmed a bit with their grandparents age. I have encouraged them to seek counseling for my grandchildren, who are a bit wild, due to their upbringing and chaotic, dramatic experiences with their parents. This falls on deaf ears. I try to impress upon the kids that they do not have to follow in their parents footsteps, that they should do well in school and stay away from drugs. I hope and pray for them, that they make good choices. I stand by my promise to my son, that I will not be rescue grandma, that I will provide a safe and stable home for him. Lord knows he has been through enough, and like your daughter, has used the bad experiences to lift himself to seek better. He has always been an old soul, responsible and thoughtful. My daughter has no other family here that would take her in. Before she was homeless, I found out that a couple, former drug users, had taken her in to try to help her. She ended up sneaking out in the night to party. I urged her before that, to seek a dv shelter, that she would get help there for herself and her children. I was cognizant of the fact that all those years of “rescuing” her, to our own detriment, did not help her. It was just too easy for her to remain the same. She cared not what it did to her own family, or her children for that matter. Looking back, I am astounded by the things we put up with and remorseful that my son witnessed what he did. It was, and is [I]completely unacceptable[/I]. My son has awful memories of his nephews, invading his privacy, fighting, breaking his toys, completely disrespecting him. It was utter chaos. Not fair to him. He loves them, but is tired of the drama. My grands grew up watching their parents fight over the most trivial things. It is not their fault, but they are the same. Sibling rivalry can’t even begin to describe it. When they are here, it takes a while for them to calm down and be peaceful. There is this frenzied energy about them, reminiscent of their parents. I suspect that same energy flows through their living conditions with their grandparents. Ugh. We are the strange ones, wanting peace and quiet, respect for one another and manners. I am the same. Write it out. I get it. I have written reams here. (Sorry guys) but it helps to get the toxic stuff out. Whether or not people read all of it, we all get it, how absolutely absurd and hard it is to be on this journey. I wish my daughters would wake up and find their true potential. It has been a rough ride for all of us. My other children have pulled way back. I take my cue from them, and my parents, who would not have gone to the extremes I did. I am learning, folks here have been so supportive. I am grateful for the help, and for those who have walked a mile in my shoes and understand the pain of it. It is amazing that our stories are so similar. You matter, your husband and young daughter matter. That is where your focus needs to be. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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