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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 523424"><p>Oh PG I am sorry it did not work out. I am not really surprised because your difficult child sounds a lot like mine and that is what they do. Yes it is time for you to detach.... I am in that process as well. I think detaching is a process and you don't have to do it all at once. I don't think it is an all or nothing thing. I think the biggest step is to make a committment to yourself that you will somehow move on with your life and stop obsessing about your difficult child. I know all too well how hard this is. So find some things that are GOOD for you. Are you going to some kind of parents support group? I think you are but I can't remember... if not find one asap. My alanon meeting has been a huge gift to me. </p><p></p><p>Repeat the serenity prayer over and over in your mind... especially the part about "Grant me to accept the things I cannot change". You can't change your difficult child... it has to come from her. You have done everything, there is nothing more you can do.</p><p></p><p>I know for me I do not want to cut all contact with my difficult child... so I do answer his calls... but lol I am at the point where I am relieved not to get any because when he calls he wants something so it is good to not hear from him. But for me detaching is going on and enjoying life no matter what he is doing. I am making progress in this. I am again focused at work. I get obsessed here and there when something happens but now the obsession lasts a couple of hours instead of for days or weeks. I check phone records here and there to make sure he is alive but instead of several times a day it is every couple of days.</p><p></p><p>So as they say in AA Progress not perfection.... you don't have to be completely detached all at once but takes steps in that direction.</p><p></p><p>Hugs - this is such a hard journey for us parents!</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 523424"] Oh PG I am sorry it did not work out. I am not really surprised because your difficult child sounds a lot like mine and that is what they do. Yes it is time for you to detach.... I am in that process as well. I think detaching is a process and you don't have to do it all at once. I don't think it is an all or nothing thing. I think the biggest step is to make a committment to yourself that you will somehow move on with your life and stop obsessing about your difficult child. I know all too well how hard this is. So find some things that are GOOD for you. Are you going to some kind of parents support group? I think you are but I can't remember... if not find one asap. My alanon meeting has been a huge gift to me. Repeat the serenity prayer over and over in your mind... especially the part about "Grant me to accept the things I cannot change". You can't change your difficult child... it has to come from her. You have done everything, there is nothing more you can do. I know for me I do not want to cut all contact with my difficult child... so I do answer his calls... but lol I am at the point where I am relieved not to get any because when he calls he wants something so it is good to not hear from him. But for me detaching is going on and enjoying life no matter what he is doing. I am making progress in this. I am again focused at work. I get obsessed here and there when something happens but now the obsession lasts a couple of hours instead of for days or weeks. I check phone records here and there to make sure he is alive but instead of several times a day it is every couple of days. So as they say in AA Progress not perfection.... you don't have to be completely detached all at once but takes steps in that direction. Hugs - this is such a hard journey for us parents! TL [/QUOTE]
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