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Last night he said "no contact." He called this morning.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 663712" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Copa, I went through this so many times with my son. His famous line "Mom, if you just help me this time I will never ask you for another thing ever, I swear"</p><p>I honestly lost count of how many times I heard this, all I know is one day I said ENOUGH.</p><p></p><p>I think you have handled yourself really well with him on the phone.</p><p></p><p>As for buying the train/bus ticket that's a tough one. It's easy for me to say "don't do it" only because I have been down that road so many times and have been burned. If I could get into a time machine and go back and have the wisdom of those on this site I may have stopped giving into my son's pleas.</p><p></p><p>What I can tell you is I went through so much of what you are going through right now. My son was so ugly with his words towards me and blaming me for all his problems. It got so bad with his hatefulness towards me that I had no choice but to cease all communication with him and this lasted for a good 4 or 5 months. When we did start talking I made it very clear that I would not be treated with such disrespect and I would no longer help him.</p><p>During the time we did not communicate I realized I needed to stop trying to reason with him, trying to explain things to him that his problems were of his own doing, having to defend myself, trying to get him to understand that his life would continue to spiral into chaos unless he did A, B, C and D - I had to accept that he was never going to listen to me, he held no value in my advice to him.</p><p>Now when we do communicate (it's always through private message on FB) I do not engage him. I keep my responses as simple and loving as I can. It has helped. This is where the "we can't change them we can only change ourselves" comes into play.</p><p>By changing my behavior towards him it has changed our relationship. By no means do we have a close relationship but it's certainly not volatile like it once was.</p><p></p><p><img src="http://api.ning.com/files/lXciVGQ8XMO9WIlaPzHsDAKpwu0Sq0Rz-BfrJ-cPXpseStDXK4pchxGYr7BUkL73l*r1oJXUhTWW94zK7tKh-y7*7YNfO1z5/075.gif" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 663712, member: 18516"] Copa, I went through this so many times with my son. His famous line "Mom, if you just help me this time I will never ask you for another thing ever, I swear" I honestly lost count of how many times I heard this, all I know is one day I said ENOUGH. I think you have handled yourself really well with him on the phone. As for buying the train/bus ticket that's a tough one. It's easy for me to say "don't do it" only because I have been down that road so many times and have been burned. If I could get into a time machine and go back and have the wisdom of those on this site I may have stopped giving into my son's pleas. What I can tell you is I went through so much of what you are going through right now. My son was so ugly with his words towards me and blaming me for all his problems. It got so bad with his hatefulness towards me that I had no choice but to cease all communication with him and this lasted for a good 4 or 5 months. When we did start talking I made it very clear that I would not be treated with such disrespect and I would no longer help him. During the time we did not communicate I realized I needed to stop trying to reason with him, trying to explain things to him that his problems were of his own doing, having to defend myself, trying to get him to understand that his life would continue to spiral into chaos unless he did A, B, C and D - I had to accept that he was never going to listen to me, he held no value in my advice to him. Now when we do communicate (it's always through private message on FB) I do not engage him. I keep my responses as simple and loving as I can. It has helped. This is where the "we can't change them we can only change ourselves" comes into play. By changing my behavior towards him it has changed our relationship. By no means do we have a close relationship but it's certainly not volatile like it once was. [IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/lXciVGQ8XMO9WIlaPzHsDAKpwu0Sq0Rz-BfrJ-cPXpseStDXK4pchxGYr7BUkL73l*r1oJXUhTWW94zK7tKh-y7*7YNfO1z5/075.gif[/IMG] [/QUOTE]
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Last night he said "no contact." He called this morning.
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