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Last night he said "no contact." He called this morning.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 664091" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Copa, I just read the whole thread from start to finish. You are doing great. Truly.</p><p></p><p>I rated your last post "Winner" because he called, and you said only two words: Hi and Oh. ding.ding.ding.ding...can you hear me declaring you a winner? This is truly where I believe we have to get, before they have a true chance.</p><p></p><p>Your son sounds very functional to me, in what you say that he says. He sounds like he can do it if he chooses to.</p><p></p><p>That gives me a lot of hope for him.</p><p></p><p>He's in another city and he's making all kinds of plans. That's what we want, right? For them to DO IT ON THEIR OWN.</p><p></p><p>Copa, about the ticket, it's not so much the ticket, it's how the whole situation affects YOU. It's whether buying the ticket is something you really want to do---for whatever reason---or if it's just one more thing to resent and feel duped about. </p><p></p><p>Reading along, this is getting more and more to be about you and not about him. That is huge. It's the 51%/49% thing. You're 51% and he's 49%. </p><p></p><p>There will be things you decide to do...and then things you decide not to do...and really, it doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>Now, here is what I had to do---I had to go no contact. Completely. For a while. Here is how I told him about what I wanted to do. He was homeless. He was driving me nuts. Texting, calling, FB messaging...they are amazing when they want something. They WILL FIND A WAY. Don't you ever worry for a single minute about that. (I used to worry a lot about that). Hundreds of texts a day...like this...?????????....or .................</p><p></p><p>He just wanted to engage me. It was insanity.</p><p></p><p>So...I said this: I will talk with you on the phone once a week on Saturdays between 10 and 11 a.m. If you call or text or FB message me at any other time, I will not respond. </p><p></p><p>Son: But, I don't even have a phone and I have no idea if I will be able to get to a phone during that time or even borrow one or even find a computer...or...or....</p><p></p><p>Me: I'm sure you'll figure it out.</p><p></p><p>And I stuck to that for nearly a month. </p><p></p><p>That is what it had to come to, for me and for him. </p><p></p><p>My son was the kind that...take a 1/4 inch...he will take 100 miles. If you even hinted at weakness...he went in for the kill. </p><p></p><p>He was not going to deal with life on his own as long as he could get me to participate.</p><p></p><p>The lengths we have to go to...here on this site...are incredible. </p><p></p><p>Now, you are making so much progress. I hope you are starting to see some light. I see a lot of light for you Copa, and for him.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Keep on. You're getting there. Warm hugs for you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 664091, member: 17542"] Copa, I just read the whole thread from start to finish. You are doing great. Truly. I rated your last post "Winner" because he called, and you said only two words: Hi and Oh. ding.ding.ding.ding...can you hear me declaring you a winner? This is truly where I believe we have to get, before they have a true chance. Your son sounds very functional to me, in what you say that he says. He sounds like he can do it if he chooses to. That gives me a lot of hope for him. He's in another city and he's making all kinds of plans. That's what we want, right? For them to DO IT ON THEIR OWN. Copa, about the ticket, it's not so much the ticket, it's how the whole situation affects YOU. It's whether buying the ticket is something you really want to do---for whatever reason---or if it's just one more thing to resent and feel duped about. Reading along, this is getting more and more to be about you and not about him. That is huge. It's the 51%/49% thing. You're 51% and he's 49%. There will be things you decide to do...and then things you decide not to do...and really, it doesn't matter. Now, here is what I had to do---I had to go no contact. Completely. For a while. Here is how I told him about what I wanted to do. He was homeless. He was driving me nuts. Texting, calling, FB messaging...they are amazing when they want something. They WILL FIND A WAY. Don't you ever worry for a single minute about that. (I used to worry a lot about that). Hundreds of texts a day...like this...?????????....or ................. He just wanted to engage me. It was insanity. So...I said this: I will talk with you on the phone once a week on Saturdays between 10 and 11 a.m. If you call or text or FB message me at any other time, I will not respond. Son: But, I don't even have a phone and I have no idea if I will be able to get to a phone during that time or even borrow one or even find a computer...or...or.... Me: I'm sure you'll figure it out. And I stuck to that for nearly a month. That is what it had to come to, for me and for him. My son was the kind that...take a 1/4 inch...he will take 100 miles. If you even hinted at weakness...he went in for the kill. He was not going to deal with life on his own as long as he could get me to participate. The lengths we have to go to...here on this site...are incredible. Now, you are making so much progress. I hope you are starting to see some light. I see a lot of light for you Copa, and for him. Hang in there. Keep on. You're getting there. Warm hugs for you today. [/QUOTE]
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Last night he said "no contact." He called this morning.
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