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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620490" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>COM, you are doing a wonderful job of setting the boundaries as your son ups the ante, big time. </p><p></p><p>I think your note on the door covers all the points. </p><p></p><p>I think with most of our kids and certainly with mine, you have to make sure all the "loop holes" are covered. Most of us have succumbed to major manipulations in the past and our difficult child's in the meantime become masters at shifting the truth around and finding our weak spot and exploiting it. They are clever and usually very bright and can sense where we will fold and as a result they utilize that information to dramatically and often effectively, get their present needs across and often met. Since you aren't succumbing to his demands, the drama escalates. If you have forgotten something, he will find it and exploit it. </p><p></p><p>Your note covers the loop holes, unless he can think of some new tactic, like "you didn't say I couldn't sleep in the garage." That's how their minds seem to work. It isn't about what you say or want or need, it is only about him getting what he wants and to that end, our kids will use whatever methods they deem necessary. And, they don't play by our rules or the rules of good conduct at all, they are out to win at any cost. </p><p></p><p>Something my therapist told me once made an enormous amount of sense to me............and that was, <em>when I am absolutely clear, when all my doubts are gone, when I know exactly what I am doing with my difficult child, that's when they will stop</em>. I found that to be true. As we progress, little niggly doubts and fears pop up for us parents................naturally they would since this goes against everything we know to be real and good. Once we work through all of that inside ourselves, once we are clear without any of those 'mommy' doubts...........the kids stop their relentless, unending requests of us. They know when we have doubts and they, as I said, exploit them. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry COM, this is a grueling and tortuous drama for us parents to go through. It seems never ending, but there is an end to it. You have to hold on, stay the course, allow him to man up and take care of himself without your interference. He needs to step onto his own path now.............whatever that is, in whatever direction that takes him................continue seeing him walking away from you alongside a higher power.................</p><p></p><p>Sending you truckloads of strength, gentle hugs, warm wishes for your serenity and caring thoughts of support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620490, member: 13542"] COM, you are doing a wonderful job of setting the boundaries as your son ups the ante, big time. I think your note on the door covers all the points. I think with most of our kids and certainly with mine, you have to make sure all the "loop holes" are covered. Most of us have succumbed to major manipulations in the past and our difficult child's in the meantime become masters at shifting the truth around and finding our weak spot and exploiting it. They are clever and usually very bright and can sense where we will fold and as a result they utilize that information to dramatically and often effectively, get their present needs across and often met. Since you aren't succumbing to his demands, the drama escalates. If you have forgotten something, he will find it and exploit it. Your note covers the loop holes, unless he can think of some new tactic, like "you didn't say I couldn't sleep in the garage." That's how their minds seem to work. It isn't about what you say or want or need, it is only about him getting what he wants and to that end, our kids will use whatever methods they deem necessary. And, they don't play by our rules or the rules of good conduct at all, they are out to win at any cost. Something my therapist told me once made an enormous amount of sense to me............and that was, [I]when I am absolutely clear, when all my doubts are gone, when I know exactly what I am doing with my difficult child, that's when they will stop[/I]. I found that to be true. As we progress, little niggly doubts and fears pop up for us parents................naturally they would since this goes against everything we know to be real and good. Once we work through all of that inside ourselves, once we are clear without any of those 'mommy' doubts...........the kids stop their relentless, unending requests of us. They know when we have doubts and they, as I said, exploit them. I am sorry COM, this is a grueling and tortuous drama for us parents to go through. It seems never ending, but there is an end to it. You have to hold on, stay the course, allow him to man up and take care of himself without your interference. He needs to step onto his own path now.............whatever that is, in whatever direction that takes him................continue seeing him walking away from you alongside a higher power................. Sending you truckloads of strength, gentle hugs, warm wishes for your serenity and caring thoughts of support. [/QUOTE]
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