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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 620500" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Child,</p><p></p><p>I've been checking in on you by iphone, but can't write well that way and so wanted to wait to comment..but I did want you to know that I've been staying with you!</p><p></p><p>You have done wonderfully, and continue to do so. Sometimes bearing up under all this pressure reminds me of finishing a road race...you feel kind of great, and excited, and powerful right at the finish, and then, when it is done, you've passed the finish line and had a second to pause..and you feel like you are going puke, or faint, and you double over with leg cramps. It doesn't mean you didn't do fabulously, meet all your goals, do everything right...it just means that sometimes the fallout makes you feel scared and sick.</p><p></p><p>So if you do feel scared and sick, know we understand. And if you do not..well then...how much much much water has gone under the bridge, how badly has your son treated you and society and therefore all of us for you to feel so clearly that you are doing the right thing? So...yes...you are doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>It is also the only thing for him. If he too, can figure out what to do under these circumstances, if he too can finish this race (blisters and all)...he will feel better too!</p><p></p><p>But today it is really about you, your victory overy your old habits of drowning pointlessly in his needs.</p><p></p><p>Cedar posted once to me "your son knows the minimum he needs to do keep a realtionship with you. His continuing to call without doing that is, in a way, a test". Surely your son knows that accusations and hateful language and banging on ANYONE's door at 3 Am is not the minimum needed for a relationship? It represents the skewed, messed up tools he has used in the past that have worked...and you have recognized that those messed up tools are not acceptable. Good for you. </p><p></p><p>Good for you for planning, sharing, seeing clearly, writing things down, being proactive, accepting support, thinking things through....we are all so so happy for you, even in these awful days...because you are on the path to a better, happier, saner life. And maybe difficult child is too....or not. But even in doing this, ESPECIALLY in doing this...you are being a good parent. As you always have been.</p><p></p><p>You can block him on facebook to stop that route of access. If you can silence your phone so that you aren't being jarred over and over again, that would be good for your nerves and psyche. YOu can check it, or have husband check it, for any real messages from time to time. </p><p></p><p>I was once the target of 110 texts in a day...just the ping of a new text had my nerves jangled...it allowed all the attacks to hit much more deeply than they would have otherwise. As you have done in other ways, work to keep yourself sane and healthy...try not to read the messages , silence the phone, delete delete delete.</p><p></p><p>Sending strength and love and hope for you in these difficult hours. It won't last forever.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p><p></p><p>Strength love and hope for you. It must be hard to bear up under the constant onslaught.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 620500, member: 17269"] Child, I've been checking in on you by iphone, but can't write well that way and so wanted to wait to comment..but I did want you to know that I've been staying with you! You have done wonderfully, and continue to do so. Sometimes bearing up under all this pressure reminds me of finishing a road race...you feel kind of great, and excited, and powerful right at the finish, and then, when it is done, you've passed the finish line and had a second to pause..and you feel like you are going puke, or faint, and you double over with leg cramps. It doesn't mean you didn't do fabulously, meet all your goals, do everything right...it just means that sometimes the fallout makes you feel scared and sick. So if you do feel scared and sick, know we understand. And if you do not..well then...how much much much water has gone under the bridge, how badly has your son treated you and society and therefore all of us for you to feel so clearly that you are doing the right thing? So...yes...you are doing the right thing. It is also the only thing for him. If he too, can figure out what to do under these circumstances, if he too can finish this race (blisters and all)...he will feel better too! But today it is really about you, your victory overy your old habits of drowning pointlessly in his needs. Cedar posted once to me "your son knows the minimum he needs to do keep a realtionship with you. His continuing to call without doing that is, in a way, a test". Surely your son knows that accusations and hateful language and banging on ANYONE's door at 3 Am is not the minimum needed for a relationship? It represents the skewed, messed up tools he has used in the past that have worked...and you have recognized that those messed up tools are not acceptable. Good for you. Good for you for planning, sharing, seeing clearly, writing things down, being proactive, accepting support, thinking things through....we are all so so happy for you, even in these awful days...because you are on the path to a better, happier, saner life. And maybe difficult child is too....or not. But even in doing this, ESPECIALLY in doing this...you are being a good parent. As you always have been. You can block him on facebook to stop that route of access. If you can silence your phone so that you aren't being jarred over and over again, that would be good for your nerves and psyche. YOu can check it, or have husband check it, for any real messages from time to time. I was once the target of 110 texts in a day...just the ping of a new text had my nerves jangled...it allowed all the attacks to hit much more deeply than they would have otherwise. As you have done in other ways, work to keep yourself sane and healthy...try not to read the messages , silence the phone, delete delete delete. Sending strength and love and hope for you in these difficult hours. It won't last forever. Echo Strength love and hope for you. It must be hard to bear up under the constant onslaught. [/QUOTE]
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