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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620571" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>So every day is a new day in the land of my difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Today, he began texting, fb messaging me and calling me about needing more clothes. Remember I left some clothes on the front porch Friday night----he took part of them---with the idea that once he was "settled" I would bring all of his clothes to him....well he had blood in his boxers and in his jeans and needed more clothes NOW. (this is not a new medical ailment---complains of it before when homeless in jail etc., but never goes to the Dr. about it when given the chance).</p><p></p><p>I ignored all. I had a meeting this morning. I could hear my phone buzzing all throughout the meeting. Multiple calls and texts from him, texts ramping up: "Do you just want me to kill myself because that is what I'm going to end up doing and I don't think ya'll would even care."</p><p></p><p>Also not the first time we have heard this. But...as we all know...we take every threat of suicide seriously.</p><p></p><p>I had three options---call police and tell them where I thought he was, call the place where I thought he was and tell them, or meet him there myself and spell out my boundaries again. It would seem that the first two options were the best but realizing that they would take him to the ER, from there he would go to the state hospital to be evaluated and then 5 days later he's back here only to start it all again (wow I sound cynical) I opted for the latter. I went to get him some more clothes from my house and met him at the day shelter where he was. </p><p></p><p>I wouldn't let him get in my car to talk. We stood outside the car. I basically told him the gospel truth, unvarnished. I said the next time you threaten suicide I will call the police no questions asked. You have disrespected every request I have made in the postcard I mailed you in jail to the rules I posted on FB yesterday. The next time you violate my rules I will get a restraining order against you. I dont want to hear from you except on Saturday morning between 10 and 11 a.m. for a 10-minute phone call and again the next Saturday for the same. Your bloody underwear, your bed tonight (or lack of it), your next meal, your Rx, your blisters on your feet---they are all your responsibility and your problem to solve. You are a nearly 25 year old man. You are sitting here waiting on someone to save you and you're going to be sitting here this same time next year if you don't take responsibility for your own life. Etc. I spelled it out. There was no mistaking any of it. I also told him that I love him and that if/when he demonstrates FOR A LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG time---we decide HOW long---that he has turned things around, there are lots of people who would/will come alongside him and help him. Like a year from now at least, of him being responsible, working, taking care of his own needs, no drugs, no arrests, etc. </p><p></p><p>"Well, I'd like to go back to college." </p><p></p><p>I laughed out loud. I know that was mean, but it was spontaneous. </p><p></p><p>"I don't mean right now, but later." I said you may want to get a place to sleep first before you try to enroll.</p><p></p><p>Anyway. You get the picture. I won't bore you with any more of the conversation. The whole thing lasted 5 minutes.</p><p></p><p>I haven't heard from him since so at least for today, there is some reprieve from the constant harassment. </p><p></p><p>I feel good about what I said. I probably talked too much but everything I said was the truth and the way I feel. I wasn't mean. I didn't call him any names, but I also didn't mince words. They came bursting out of me---some of them were long overdue and i guess I just got to the point to say it all. </p><p></p><p>then, on the way to my next meeting, I called my ex-husband and we talked for about 45 minutes. He is more done than I am. He said he was glad I cracked the door open because he just can't right now. It was a good conversation between two people who have tried it all---and know it all doesn't work.</p><p></p><p>So---another step forward. What a crazy place to be in life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620571, member: 17542"] So every day is a new day in the land of my difficult child. Today, he began texting, fb messaging me and calling me about needing more clothes. Remember I left some clothes on the front porch Friday night----he took part of them---with the idea that once he was "settled" I would bring all of his clothes to him....well he had blood in his boxers and in his jeans and needed more clothes NOW. (this is not a new medical ailment---complains of it before when homeless in jail etc., but never goes to the Dr. about it when given the chance). I ignored all. I had a meeting this morning. I could hear my phone buzzing all throughout the meeting. Multiple calls and texts from him, texts ramping up: "Do you just want me to kill myself because that is what I'm going to end up doing and I don't think ya'll would even care." Also not the first time we have heard this. But...as we all know...we take every threat of suicide seriously. I had three options---call police and tell them where I thought he was, call the place where I thought he was and tell them, or meet him there myself and spell out my boundaries again. It would seem that the first two options were the best but realizing that they would take him to the ER, from there he would go to the state hospital to be evaluated and then 5 days later he's back here only to start it all again (wow I sound cynical) I opted for the latter. I went to get him some more clothes from my house and met him at the day shelter where he was. I wouldn't let him get in my car to talk. We stood outside the car. I basically told him the gospel truth, unvarnished. I said the next time you threaten suicide I will call the police no questions asked. You have disrespected every request I have made in the postcard I mailed you in jail to the rules I posted on FB yesterday. The next time you violate my rules I will get a restraining order against you. I dont want to hear from you except on Saturday morning between 10 and 11 a.m. for a 10-minute phone call and again the next Saturday for the same. Your bloody underwear, your bed tonight (or lack of it), your next meal, your Rx, your blisters on your feet---they are all your responsibility and your problem to solve. You are a nearly 25 year old man. You are sitting here waiting on someone to save you and you're going to be sitting here this same time next year if you don't take responsibility for your own life. Etc. I spelled it out. There was no mistaking any of it. I also told him that I love him and that if/when he demonstrates FOR A LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG time---we decide HOW long---that he has turned things around, there are lots of people who would/will come alongside him and help him. Like a year from now at least, of him being responsible, working, taking care of his own needs, no drugs, no arrests, etc. "Well, I'd like to go back to college." I laughed out loud. I know that was mean, but it was spontaneous. "I don't mean right now, but later." I said you may want to get a place to sleep first before you try to enroll. Anyway. You get the picture. I won't bore you with any more of the conversation. The whole thing lasted 5 minutes. I haven't heard from him since so at least for today, there is some reprieve from the constant harassment. I feel good about what I said. I probably talked too much but everything I said was the truth and the way I feel. I wasn't mean. I didn't call him any names, but I also didn't mince words. They came bursting out of me---some of them were long overdue and i guess I just got to the point to say it all. then, on the way to my next meeting, I called my ex-husband and we talked for about 45 minutes. He is more done than I am. He said he was glad I cracked the door open because he just can't right now. It was a good conversation between two people who have tried it all---and know it all doesn't work. So---another step forward. What a crazy place to be in life. [/QUOTE]
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