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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 638864" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>GM -- We all learn so much from each other in here. I learn from you, too! This group is a supportively-clarifying lens for us all. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Albatross -- Thank you! I enjoy your posts quite a lot, too. I just said everything in my post, above, to difficult child today. He wasn't thrilled. However, he didn't go ballistic (as we all know, that, in and of itself, can be a major accomplishment). I think he's just put up some more boundaries around me. Well, good on him! Seriously, he's entitled to his adult boundaries, too. I notice when we both honor our boundaries, we are more respectful to each other. Yay, us!</p><p></p><p>We all love our kids (difficult child's or not) and we all want their health and happiness. But the longer I parent our son, the more convinced I am that we must tend to our own health and happiness first. Not in a hedonistic way (although a little of that wouldn't hurt, either! LOLOL!). But, rather, in the same way an airline always tells you to put your own o2 mask on first, before assisting others. It's a matter of survival. Martyrdom helps no one.</p><p></p><p>It's so easy for me to get "enmeshed" in difficult child's drama, if I'm not careful. You know, either ditching my boundaries or ditching my compassion. I really feel best when I keep BOTH going strong. Hard to do sometimes, I tell ya that. But that is my quest.</p><p></p><p>Today I was subbing and saw a 2nd grader who is already quite the difficult child. I stopped and stared at him while he went ballistic (seriously ballistic -- all over the place). I just kept thinking, "My gosh, how hard it must be to be him." Then, of course, I thought of all of our difficult child's.</p><p></p><p>RE --- Thank you so much for your kind words. I do react sometimes. I used to get down on myself for that - expecting perfection. But, ya know, not only is perfection not possible, there's really no point in it. It takes the "humanness" out of us and our "humanness" is a thing of beauty. I just try to get back on track sooner than I used to (ditching brow-beating myself sure speeds that up, too <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> ).</p><p></p><p>RE --- I value your words and insights greatly. You have retained your balance of wisdom and compassion. You are a beacon light to me with your words and I'm very thankful for that. Keep 'em comin'! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 638864, member: 18284"] GM -- We all learn so much from each other in here. I learn from you, too! This group is a supportively-clarifying lens for us all. :) Albatross -- Thank you! I enjoy your posts quite a lot, too. I just said everything in my post, above, to difficult child today. He wasn't thrilled. However, he didn't go ballistic (as we all know, that, in and of itself, can be a major accomplishment). I think he's just put up some more boundaries around me. Well, good on him! Seriously, he's entitled to his adult boundaries, too. I notice when we both honor our boundaries, we are more respectful to each other. Yay, us! We all love our kids (difficult child's or not) and we all want their health and happiness. But the longer I parent our son, the more convinced I am that we must tend to our own health and happiness first. Not in a hedonistic way (although a little of that wouldn't hurt, either! LOLOL!). But, rather, in the same way an airline always tells you to put your own o2 mask on first, before assisting others. It's a matter of survival. Martyrdom helps no one. It's so easy for me to get "enmeshed" in difficult child's drama, if I'm not careful. You know, either ditching my boundaries or ditching my compassion. I really feel best when I keep BOTH going strong. Hard to do sometimes, I tell ya that. But that is my quest. Today I was subbing and saw a 2nd grader who is already quite the difficult child. I stopped and stared at him while he went ballistic (seriously ballistic -- all over the place). I just kept thinking, "My gosh, how hard it must be to be him." Then, of course, I thought of all of our difficult child's. RE --- Thank you so much for your kind words. I do react sometimes. I used to get down on myself for that - expecting perfection. But, ya know, not only is perfection not possible, there's really no point in it. It takes the "humanness" out of us and our "humanness" is a thing of beauty. I just try to get back on track sooner than I used to (ditching brow-beating myself sure speeds that up, too :) ). RE --- I value your words and insights greatly. You have retained your balance of wisdom and compassion. You are a beacon light to me with your words and I'm very thankful for that. Keep 'em comin'! :D [/QUOTE]
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