I agree with putting your ultimate goal in the first paragraph, so the judge knows up front what you are requesting and why. Another suggestion. when I did my letter, I did a sort of a timeline listing all of the things I had done/requested to date to help my daughter, using bullet-points. I made each one no longer than two sentences where possible; I have a feeling that judges merely scan these, at least at first glance, and bullets make it morelikely they'll get the point. You've got all that here, I would just organize it slightly differently. The other reason for a timeline is it shows clearly that things have gotten worse, not better, since your initial attempt to get services, hence your out-of-the-ordinary request for immediate intervention by the court. Perhaps in your introduction you could state something to the effect that are seeking more services because since your difficult child's intial appearance before the judge on x date, things have gotten progressively worse, you have encountered more and more roadblocks to getting your difficult child the help he needs, including his own P.O. who seems to be a hinderance to getting him the mental health care he so desparately needs (don't forget to quote her insane words!). Then you could list what you've done so far to try to get him help, ending with the current hospilization and the fact he is facing discharge with a good "safety plan" in place.
Just suggestions, I can tell you've worked hard on this already!
