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Substance Abuse
Letter to my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 614125" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Lil, I totally understand your feelings in the letter and it was probably very good for you to be able to express them in writing. Unfortunately, your son is not going to "get" it by reading your letter. He will probably laugh and tear it up if he even bothers to read it.</p><p></p><p>When our kids are on drugs, they become completely self-absorbed. Substance abusers are only concerned about themselves and how they are going to get their drugs/alcohol.</p><p></p><p>As I read your letter, I thought back to your other thread where you said:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I hope I am wrong but selling his computer and stealing from you makes me think there is a lot more going on here than just recreational pot use. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you are right about the television, too.</p><p></p><p>Your letter reminds me of how I felt and reacted when my daughter was your son's age. She did all of the things your son was doing and it continued for another ten years until we finally took action. My therapist has helped me see that I can't "fix" her and my attempts at "helping" her was just enabling her drug use.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's a pretty cushy life. Why would he want to change? You were providing all of those things so he could get an education. Unfortunately, he is not holding up his side of the bargain so it is time for you to stop upholding yours.</p><p></p><p>As a teacher, I pushed and pushed my difficult child to get an education. She actually does have enough credits to be a college junior. Her GPA, though, is horrible because she kept signing up for classes and then just wouldn't go. One year, she took out $20,000 in student loans and didn't finish a single class. She told me later that she was drinking too heavily to get up and go to the classes most of the time. She just lived on the money instead. </p><p></p><p>Until your difficult child is clean and sober and acting responsibly, you will just be throwing away money on an education. My difficult child is regretting the lost years now and wants to finish her college degree. I told her that we were done paying for her education and now she will have to take one class at a time while working full time and pay for it herself. Maybe she will put more value into it if she is paying for it herself.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 614125, member: 1967"] Lil, I totally understand your feelings in the letter and it was probably very good for you to be able to express them in writing. Unfortunately, your son is not going to "get" it by reading your letter. He will probably laugh and tear it up if he even bothers to read it. When our kids are on drugs, they become completely self-absorbed. Substance abusers are only concerned about themselves and how they are going to get their drugs/alcohol. As I read your letter, I thought back to your other thread where you said: I hope I am wrong but selling his computer and stealing from you makes me think there is a lot more going on here than just recreational pot use. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you are right about the television, too. Your letter reminds me of how I felt and reacted when my daughter was your son's age. She did all of the things your son was doing and it continued for another ten years until we finally took action. My therapist has helped me see that I can't "fix" her and my attempts at "helping" her was just enabling her drug use. That's a pretty cushy life. Why would he want to change? You were providing all of those things so he could get an education. Unfortunately, he is not holding up his side of the bargain so it is time for you to stop upholding yours. As a teacher, I pushed and pushed my difficult child to get an education. She actually does have enough credits to be a college junior. Her GPA, though, is horrible because she kept signing up for classes and then just wouldn't go. One year, she took out $20,000 in student loans and didn't finish a single class. She told me later that she was drinking too heavily to get up and go to the classes most of the time. She just lived on the money instead. Until your difficult child is clean and sober and acting responsibly, you will just be throwing away money on an education. My difficult child is regretting the lost years now and wants to finish her college degree. I told her that we were done paying for her education and now she will have to take one class at a time while working full time and pay for it herself. Maybe she will put more value into it if she is paying for it herself. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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