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Substance Abuse
Letter to my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 614481" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Of course I don't want to be cut out of his life...but I'm much more afraid of him following down his biodad's path. Worse, he doesn't even <em>know </em>he's behaving just like him. All he ever knew was he had a drinking problem and that he died when he was 7. When he was really little, like 5 or 6, he asked if it was his fault his daddly left. I told him NO; and something like, that when a man grows up and gets married and has babies they have to work and help pay bills and take care of the family, and for some reason, although his his daddy loved him, he just wasn't ever able to grow up and do that. He died when my son was so young and I never, ever, bad-mouthed him. At worst, I said that he had many good qualities, but that working and providing for his family wasn't one of them. I told him when he was about 9 and he was talking about him that if he ever wanted to know more about his father he could ask and if he did I would be truthful, but he needed to be sure he wanted to know, because he might not always like the answers. He never asked. In fact, he pretty much never mentioned him again. He only learned how he died last year and even then I down-played it, as much as one can a suicide in jail. I didn't see any reason to paint him as a bad person who didn't love his son enough to straighten his life out and stick around. I work in family law. I see that all the time and I detest people who do that to their kids. My son has no actual memories of him. He said, when he asked how he died last year, that he remembers playing Spiro the Dragon while this blond guy was sitting by him drinking a beer. But that isn't a real memory...he never had Playstation games until he was older than 5. I was always sure I'd done the right thing. My husband adopted him shortly before biodad died. We had a happy life. I don't see what good that would have done. But now I just see so much of his father in him and that is what really frightens me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 614481, member: 17309"] Of course I don't want to be cut out of his life...but I'm much more afraid of him following down his biodad's path. Worse, he doesn't even [I]know [/I]he's behaving just like him. All he ever knew was he had a drinking problem and that he died when he was 7. When he was really little, like 5 or 6, he asked if it was his fault his daddly left. I told him NO; and something like, that when a man grows up and gets married and has babies they have to work and help pay bills and take care of the family, and for some reason, although his his daddy loved him, he just wasn't ever able to grow up and do that. He died when my son was so young and I never, ever, bad-mouthed him. At worst, I said that he had many good qualities, but that working and providing for his family wasn't one of them. I told him when he was about 9 and he was talking about him that if he ever wanted to know more about his father he could ask and if he did I would be truthful, but he needed to be sure he wanted to know, because he might not always like the answers. He never asked. In fact, he pretty much never mentioned him again. He only learned how he died last year and even then I down-played it, as much as one can a suicide in jail. I didn't see any reason to paint him as a bad person who didn't love his son enough to straighten his life out and stick around. I work in family law. I see that all the time and I detest people who do that to their kids. My son has no actual memories of him. He said, when he asked how he died last year, that he remembers playing Spiro the Dragon while this blond guy was sitting by him drinking a beer. But that isn't a real memory...he never had Playstation games until he was older than 5. I was always sure I'd done the right thing. My husband adopted him shortly before biodad died. We had a happy life. I don't see what good that would have done. But now I just see so much of his father in him and that is what really frightens me. [/QUOTE]
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