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Substance Abuse
Letter to my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 614645" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Lil so much of what you say is just like my story. I may have told you this, my husband is a lawyer. We adopted our daughter and she is so much like her birthmother it's frightening. She has never met her birthmother and knows very little about her but I swear it is as if she mirrored her in every way, down to getting all these tattoos (we have no tattoos in our family so it is not something she grew up with here.) She followed in her same footsteps even though we did everything in our power to guide her in a different way. I was terrified as she was growing up that that would happen. We did the best we could in holding her responsible for her actions and trying to be as supportive as we could while not enabling her. She did go through a time where she lived with drug addicts, worked in a strip club and almost moved in with a guy who punched her in the stomach and told her she was his now!!!! I had to have my lawyer husband explain to him that he was commiting a crime and he best tell us where she was before we called the police. </p><p></p><p>So I understand your fear and I have come to understand that nature trumps nurture in every way. But don't think that what you are doing is in vain. My daughter now realizes all the stupid things she did in her late teens and wishes she could do them over. She no longer hates us and says she now understands why we did what we did. We never talked bad about her birthmother either but we were honest at one point and told her that she had a substance abuse problem because she asked. My fear was always that she would think she had to be one also in order to feel connected to her.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully your son will get through these very rough years and come to appreicate the family that loves him so much.</p><p></p><p>In a Daze...I love families anonymous too!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 614645, member: 59"] Lil so much of what you say is just like my story. I may have told you this, my husband is a lawyer. We adopted our daughter and she is so much like her birthmother it's frightening. She has never met her birthmother and knows very little about her but I swear it is as if she mirrored her in every way, down to getting all these tattoos (we have no tattoos in our family so it is not something she grew up with here.) She followed in her same footsteps even though we did everything in our power to guide her in a different way. I was terrified as she was growing up that that would happen. We did the best we could in holding her responsible for her actions and trying to be as supportive as we could while not enabling her. She did go through a time where she lived with drug addicts, worked in a strip club and almost moved in with a guy who punched her in the stomach and told her she was his now!!!! I had to have my lawyer husband explain to him that he was commiting a crime and he best tell us where she was before we called the police. So I understand your fear and I have come to understand that nature trumps nurture in every way. But don't think that what you are doing is in vain. My daughter now realizes all the stupid things she did in her late teens and wishes she could do them over. She no longer hates us and says she now understands why we did what we did. We never talked bad about her birthmother either but we were honest at one point and told her that she had a substance abuse problem because she asked. My fear was always that she would think she had to be one also in order to feel connected to her. Hopefully your son will get through these very rough years and come to appreicate the family that loves him so much. In a Daze...I love families anonymous too! [/QUOTE]
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