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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 634373" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>What a horrible shock.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>Don't give up on him.</p><p></p><p>Self sabotage is a big thing for all of us. I think especially scary for us when we've had a certain amount of success. What if we can't do it. What if we do it, and we're miserable forever. What if we just need a little something, just a little, last time something, before we give it up forever.... We might begin to project all those things we feel about ourselves onto the very people we love enough to make the effort to stop using. </p><p></p><p>Justifying away, we dive in.</p><p></p><p>Throw it all away before you lose it.</p><p></p><p>At least then, you are making the choice.</p><p></p><p>Success was so close.</p><p></p><p>It still is.</p><p></p><p>Only difficult child can make that choice.</p><p></p><p>Even here on the site, we sometimes find ourselves white knuckling it through changing our emotional responses and enabling behaviors to our kids.</p><p></p><p>So I think "expected." I think "Okay. He survived. He didn't kill anyone or himself. He came home and faced the music like someone who...wants help. Like someone who wants to try, or who wants to be tossed out to justify not trying.</p><p></p><p>So, that's my take on it.</p><p></p><p>He still has a chance.</p><p></p><p>Alb, he doesn't have to know that you know this. </p><p></p><p>All he needs to know is exactly what you said in your letter.</p><p></p><p>You can't fight this battle for him, Alb.</p><p></p><p>You can't do anything but tell him he is going to need to be stronger than he is to beat this thing.</p><p></p><p>Tell him you love him too much to watch him self destruct, and that you will not be part of it.</p><p></p><p>Tell him the stakes of the trap he is in are that he gets his life back if he wins.</p><p></p><p>That's it.</p><p></p><p>No reward, no brass band.</p><p></p><p>And that if he loses, he loses his life to an ugly, crippling disease that will strip him of every decency before it takes even his life.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry this is happening, Alb. There truly are no magic words, no perfect phrase, no response you can make that can turn this around for your son.</p><p></p><p>Only he can do it.</p><p></p><p>Your letter reached in, touched something still alive in his heart.</p><p></p><p>It's going to be a long way back.</p><p></p><p>He is going to have to be very strong.</p><p></p><p>You. ..Alb, I'm so sorry, but I think you and husband need to be making some kind of plan for what you will do and how you will survive the loss of this time of hope, of this incredible reprieve, if your son does not make it into sober house.</p><p></p><p>You are as strong as you were before he came back to you, Alb.</p><p></p><p>And you love him just as much.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 634373, member: 17461"] What a horrible shock. I am so sorry. Don't give up on him. Self sabotage is a big thing for all of us. I think especially scary for us when we've had a certain amount of success. What if we can't do it. What if we do it, and we're miserable forever. What if we just need a little something, just a little, last time something, before we give it up forever.... We might begin to project all those things we feel about ourselves onto the very people we love enough to make the effort to stop using. Justifying away, we dive in. Throw it all away before you lose it. At least then, you are making the choice. Success was so close. It still is. Only difficult child can make that choice. Even here on the site, we sometimes find ourselves white knuckling it through changing our emotional responses and enabling behaviors to our kids. So I think "expected." I think "Okay. He survived. He didn't kill anyone or himself. He came home and faced the music like someone who...wants help. Like someone who wants to try, or who wants to be tossed out to justify not trying. So, that's my take on it. He still has a chance. Alb, he doesn't have to know that you know this. All he needs to know is exactly what you said in your letter. You can't fight this battle for him, Alb. You can't do anything but tell him he is going to need to be stronger than he is to beat this thing. Tell him you love him too much to watch him self destruct, and that you will not be part of it. Tell him the stakes of the trap he is in are that he gets his life back if he wins. That's it. No reward, no brass band. And that if he loses, he loses his life to an ugly, crippling disease that will strip him of every decency before it takes even his life. I'm so sorry this is happening, Alb. There truly are no magic words, no perfect phrase, no response you can make that can turn this around for your son. Only he can do it. Your letter reached in, touched something still alive in his heart. It's going to be a long way back. He is going to have to be very strong. You. ..Alb, I'm so sorry, but I think you and husband need to be making some kind of plan for what you will do and how you will survive the loss of this time of hope, of this incredible reprieve, if your son does not make it into sober house. You are as strong as you were before he came back to you, Alb. And you love him just as much. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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